Originally Posted by _tunic_

If anyone (of the regulars) else wants to join, let me know.

Originally Posted by d.sound

i feel ambitious for the first time in my life.

Originally Posted by guest

hey d.sound just checking in to offer my utmost congrats and happiness in you finding yourself. that you've made it to where you're at is a testament to your strength, and you should be so proud of that. I've had a number of friends who have transitioned and while it was arduous for them of course, seeing them reach this stage that you've reached is always such a beautiful, humbling thing. it's so difficult to comprehend how one can be made to go through life with this sense of corporeal detachment that you've been made to feel, especially when we attach so much of ourselves to the physical, so I'm sure that to finally be able to have some control over yourself must be one of the most beautiful sensations possible, for which I have so much respect.


it's really beautiful to see that on a board that's devolved into a bit of a cesspit of late that moments of real light can continue to come through, and of course all the best for the future!

Originally Posted by d.sound

This is the first time in my entire life that I caught myself in the mirror and actually liked what I saw. I felt cute and I saw something that might actually... look cute? I didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I can actually look into a mirror now. I don't mind people seeing me now. I felt like an actual person for the first time in my life. I cried good feelings. Then I cried a lot more because I realized exactly how bad my body dysphoria has been all my life. Up until this moment I was not able to look at mirrors or see my body when I looked down because all I saw was head to toe the ugliest most disgusting thing I ever saw. Every inch of my body, arms, shoulders, hands, especially the you know where. I couldn't stand being seen by other people. I realized the real reason I have been abstinent for 14 years wasn't because I was afraid of a relatioinship, but because I didn't want anyone to see my body.

Now being able to accept myself fully actually looks like it's on the horizon. I have my first consultation with my reassignment doctor on the 14th. I found out insurance might be able to cover the pre-surgical procedure which up until now I was told would be out of pocket and thousands of dollars, which is seemingly impossible. Insurance might even be able to pay for vocal chord surgery, one of my biggest points of dysphoria.

I might actually be able to feel like a real human being. I might actually be able to feel like I am living, and not stuck in a surreal nightmare. It sounds pretty good.

Originally Posted by d.sound

Thanks again. It's very weird seeing myself. I also evaluated my naked body for the first time. You mentioned the corporeal. Nail on the head. I felt like a disembodied, floating head having never looked at my body before.

I'm sure gender dysphoria has to seem as perplexing as i did with other people who were ok or liked their bodies. There is no way of knowing exactly what it feels like unless you experience it.

Originally Posted by d.sound

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Originally Posted by d.sound

Cuuuuuuuuute.

"brave" is kind of weird to hear. I get that it's meant to be supportive, but living in the closet requires bravery in a different sense. It's a challenge to bury yourself. I was far more self conscious in public about my appearance before. I felt ugly. I hated my clothes. When people looked at me I felt like they saw what I saw. Something gross. Disheveled. Even though now people may find me weird looking, I prefer the way I look. People are going to look at me anyway. At least now I'm presenting something that I'd rather be, instead of a troll.