before i bought it, i looked for a pdf and found nothing. its too obscure for that i think.

this is undoubtedly true or very close to the truth. i suppose music is so exhilarating because by giving us the form of words without the actual linguistic content, we can have an experience that's almost like the words themselves being liberated from all the rules and realities that depress us.

pavement are singing about being a middle class person and shopping and having no obligations to anything but consumerism. that's what i hear anyway.

one time i tried to get punks practising in my attic to sing the first page of finnegans wake when they couldnt come up with lyrics, but they weren't impressed.


emptiness is one of the highest states you can attain in buddhism yet in the west its borderline evil.


delusional?

the english translation has just been released - everyone should go buy it - can't recommend it highly enough - best work of theory in years. if i had 2 copies i'd be filling one with underlines and stars and exclamation marks.

ha ha ha ha.

but i like bjork a lot. which can often be a crime around here.

what still suprises me though is how some people take agreement as personal praise and disagreement as insult. herd instinct i suppose.

e.g.
"i agree with that"
"thank you"

really? for what?

there's also the ha ha ha tragic compulsion that one must be right at all costs. as if changing one's mind was some sort of painful mutilation.


figures!


punks are squares. so many fucking rules to make up for a lack of imagination!


there are different kinds of emptiness. in buddhism, the emptiness of the self is replaced by a kind of cosmic fullness. i can be tremendously lively. it's not the same as being dead inside. but yes.

i find that the taoists roots of zen are often more interesting than the hindu complications it drags from its origins. if you haven't read chuang-tzu, some of it is some of the best comedy ever.


i misread something (for a moment i thought she was a utopianist) and erred in my judgment. so please scratch that.

Today, 07:21 AM #38376
dead_battery
the end of the ugly

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was shown pictures of clouds to recalibrate his genitals. How gay was he? So gay that he found clouds more arousing than women. But could h

see it's that kind of avant tard shit that makes me think you're both INCREDIBLY BORING and too oblique to really have any kind of a discussion with, not that that masks some sort of 'deepness', because what's underneath is obviously just neediness.

so yeah, i wish you'd just STOP talking in the first place but whatever, now you're on my ignore and you'll stay that way forever. especially after all those stupid and nasty pMs you sent me.

This thread is best when it's only dead_buttery posting.

The colours make it FUN!!!!

this is a great fucking quote. in spite of the magenta on blue eyesore. anyway i went to read and it was good. i was slightly disappointed that the text was a quotation and not your original brew but o well. still good stuff. it's kept me thinking all day about it (my own class origins/incursions/etc) and then i was looking at other people in some video i'm cutting and wondering how this operates on them. don't know shit about england and class is less rigid here but it's still very much a reality hidden under the lifestyle label that was mentioned in the music article. good shit to read here today.

i have little internet left so i've missed the photos and videos. some other day….

Between the crushing lies that "magical voluntarism" propagates on the people, and the unceasing lie shoved down our collective throats by modern media and culture which states that pain/hurt/trauma/suffering etc. fade with time, that time heals all wounds, that loss is forgotten that deep wounds are scabbed over with time, we will all go psychotic eventually.

I wish someone had told me the truth early on. I wish someone told everyone the truth.

mental/psychic wounds never heal. the pain is always there right under the surface, under a thin sheet of "plastic wrap". It does not get better. You just learn to live on carrying that pain, or ignoring that pain. The death of someone close never gets easier. I lost my dad at 17 and I am now 40. when people ask me I tell them,. "hell fuck yeah it still hurts just as much as that day in 1991. Nothing changes."
we are all force fed a lie that time makes things better. when it does not we end up thinking something is wrong with us. I hate that shit.

the thing is that pain and trauma are not the same. pain is just forgotten, but trauma stays and stays and stays. it's like a broken time machine that always takes your brain to the same moment in the past. that is why war veterans keep having the same nightmares for example, and sel-f medicate with alcohol and drugs.

that is also why trauma is such a common tool for social control--it makes indelible marks (you read one of the articles that db linked with magenta letters, where the guy talks about magical volunteerism and the indelible marks of class-- those are made by small, precise, applied trauma in social interaction). then there's shit like torture which states use to break their adversaries-- that is more overt but it's the same thing. it's more than simple pain-- it's a way to "make memories" and program people.

anyway, of course "time" doesn't heal trauma, it just deepens it in a way, as it increases the repetition of the event, but there are therapies or practices that improve or attenuate it or help one cope… from classics like meditation to bizarre new things like EMDR… they help the brain process trauma as regular pain (in a way). there are clinics who work with torture victims and they do help to an extent.

scientists have done studies on tibetan monks and nuns who were tortured by the chinese, and what's weird about them is that unlike most torture victims these people show no evidence of post-traumatic stress disorder. their time machine is not broken. they experienced terrible pain but somehow no trauma was formed. they moved on.

so, last, there's a difference (for buddhists anyway) between pain and suffering. pain is an event that happens in the moment. suffering is a mental activity of the self due to attachment. buddhism promises the end of suffering, not the end of pain. western consumer culture on the other hand promises the end of pain but only creates more and more suffering. not that i'm a buddhist or anything though, but it's such a contrast i think it's worth looking at.

who?

buddhism is all well and good, but it is an ascetic path, and I am more of a gourmand....

ha ha ha, i'm the same way. i still remember in awe your writeup about the birthday seafood tower ha ha ha.

anyway, i hope you get better with those memories some day. not sure if something like EMDR would help you, or something else, but if you ever have a chance to check it out, it doesn't hurt a bit. not everyone does it right of course, but worth looking into )or something like that).

another story: after the husband of a friend died a horrible untimely death, she worked with a nun who among other things taught her how to eat. she had to relearn to be present in the moment. there are therapies out there, maybe one is for you.