Top 5 excuses lamer people give for not getting high:
5. "Smoking is a health hazard."
People explain to me how much of a hazard weed is to their health. Yeah, it is. So are cars, knives, doors, dildos, guns, broken glass, everything is a hazard to your health. I'm wondering when people will stop being pussies and realize that life is a dangeous, hazardous, and risky place to live. If you don't smoke weed because of it's "health risk," you might as well live your whole life inside a cage, get fed intravenously, and never see sunlight or come in contact with anyone or anything. And no jerking it.
Have you ever seen an obituary reading: "Billy died from the super danks." No, you haven't Every time a stoner goes to the hospital, it goes like this:
"Hey Doctor, I need serious help. I think I smoked too much weed and I'm having extreme shortness of breath because my lungs are collapsing."
"Hmm.. that very well be the case, son. Or.. perhaps it's because your mouth is full of burnt pizza."
"Oh, I thought that was my tongue."
So that's one possible reason to not smoke. Because it burns pizza. And I'll tell you how to fix that one right now:
Cook the pizza.
Then get high. There. Everyone wins.
4. "Weed makes you paranoid."
But it's the good kind of paranoid. It's the kind of paranoia which there's no actual threat. Sober paranoia is like, "I'm in an airplane and we're going to crash, oh no!" Weed paranoia is like, "I'm in an airplane and we're going to.. oh wait, that's a squirrel."
3. "Everyone knows potheads are losers."
The only way to get a bad reputation from smoking is if you talk about it non-stop like you're trying to impress people or use being high as an excuse for being stupid. I hate those people. They'll be like, "Oh shit, I spilled your beer hehehehe I'm so high." Don't talk about it, do it.
The fragrance of weed reminds me of burnt pizza. Because every time I get high, I throw a pizza in the oven. And every pizza I've tried to bake have overbaked because I was baked. Then I'm sitting there contemplating, "Do I smell smoke? This is weird. I must be really high. How could I smell smoke when my nose is in this girl's vagina? Is that even a vagina? It feels more like an avocado. Oh wait, it's my pillow drool."
2. "Weed makes you stupid."
Yeah. So what's the problem? Being smart is overrated. How about I sew your face together? Besides, there's research now that contradicts your assertion. Perhaps it's true that if stupid people smoke weed that they indeed get stupider. Poor them. If smart people smoke it, they get more intelligent, bud!
1.
"Weed is bad because it makes you lazy."
Everyone is lazy regardless of what or if they smoke, so gimme a break. "Weed makes you lazy and unmotivated." It motivated me enough to write this you dumb assheads, dumbass heads. How about I punch your head in the nose? How about I kick you in the general vicinity of the teeth? How about I tear your head off and fuck-start your brain?
