communist.

once upon a time i was in highschool we went camping with some teachers, at night we hit the bars in a nearby town and i ended up fucking this local chick in an empty house; while we were going at it some people found out about it & went to call her brothers; we ran in different directions (per her instructions) & i feared i was going to end up like santiago nasar in chronicle of a death foretold (i.e., stabbed to death with pig-butchering knives).

of course, nothing happened at the end except i had to take a dip in the cold sea.

You didn't finish yourself off after the coast was clear?

One time I got "recognized" by someone in a coffeeshop who had seen me play a show a few weeks earlier.


A thousand miles away from where we were both standing.

you'd like to know, wouldn't you?

I'm not giving up any sexy "one time" anecdotes here.

One Time when I was around 9 years old me and my friends saw some nudie mags in the storm sewer and we decided to send my younger bro, who was the smallest, into the sewer to get them, and he did and when he handed them to us and we pulled them out we saw they were all Playgirls! EEK! what wasted effort! we wanted to see some tit-tays!

they killed santiago nasar with pig-butchering knives if you must know

El D.F. gets all the fun.

I looked at a Playgirl once as a teen out of curiosity.
Once. I wanted to see how supposed male "sexiness" was being presented.
It was in the back room of the little store where I worked, which carried these magazines.
Naturally, my boss came in and saw me in that 90-second interval.
We laughed it off, but damn.

one time when I was about 9, my friend got hold of a 900 number. I mustve called and listened to that recording 100 times. I was intrigued and confused by it. Needless to say, my mom was less than pleased for multiple reasons when she got the phone bill.

i thought you meant the One Timez...

one time i was squirting the neighbor dogs with a water bottle and then to my left i suddenly "water makes 'em mad". i say "oh hi!" (it was the neighbor) and then i mumble a bit and ask him what kind of fabric softener his wife uses because it smells good.

?

That almost sounds like some Rose Red shit.

One time me and my friend were stealing pylons off the road and throwing them into this ravine. Some soccer mom bitch (who I have had encounters with before) drove by, and stopped and yelled at us. So for some reason we booked it through the bushes and as we were running I got one of my legs stuck in this massive pile a branches and couldn't get out. I ended up peeing my pants while stuck in my branches because I was laughing and scared that my friend would leave me there (she was still running haha) She heard me yelling and came and got me though. When we got back to her house we had to explain the cuts and peed pants so we told her mom that I saw what I thought was a cat, picked it up and it was a baby raccoon. Then we said the mom raccoon came and started doing what mom raccoons do so we ran. She still believes this story.

That's all I can think of now and it's not that interesting. I've peed my pants lots hahaha (not in the past two years though)

Oh here's one.

One time me and my friend ran my neighbors garden over on tricycles. She ended up driving to my house (it's literally a 5 second walk) and bitched at my dad. Then she drove to my friend's house (which is right behind mine, and I'm on a corner so it's probably like a 10 second walk from her house) and bitched at her dad. It was totally worth the trouble we got in though haha. That woman is a bitch.

those stories are bizarre... and funny, emmah!

One time me and my 2 best friends took an abandoned bath tub from a school and drilled skateboard trucks on it and used monster wheels, and then we took it down hills. A bunch of kids then seen us and wanted to join in so we put them in at the highest hill and threw them down. There was no steering or breaks.

One time my friend Danny Brown and I in sixth grade bought a bunch of furniture leg studs at the hardware store over lunch hour and stuck them to the bottom our shoe heels so our shoes made loud click-clack noises when we walked and our teacher got mad and said only "hoods" did this sort of thing and made us take them off and then told our parents.

one time when i was about 8 i was at the airport watching my dad fly in a helicopter and i had a stomach ache so i ran to the toilet and as i was pulling my pants down i started to wee and pissed all over my pants.

One time in the parking lot of my old apartment complex I had a threesome in broad daylight with two of my ex-best friends.

One time when I was 3 or 4 I stole a duplo man from my playschool. Not so I could keep it at home, but so I could take it back into playschool and be the first kid to get to play with it. It was a popular toy.



Duplo was like Lego only bigger. Yeah. I'm wiiiild.