I'd settle on an inhabited stairwell.

This stairwell's getting a bit busy with the three of us agreeing upon it, can I vote a motion to move it to a rough gangbang on a Ford Fiesta in a car park in Dagenham?

ha ha I love that policeman in the background reaching for the radio "here we go, he's about to touch her...set phasers to stun".

Maybe we could arrange it for a large estate where there's lots of abandoned stairwells, each of us taking her to a different one. I'm not down with the whole gangbang thing, I'm afraid. I'm a romantic at heart.

Dibs not getting sloppy seconds then. Shouldn't be more than a few minutes, it's been while for me.

i tend to murder them afterwards so it's probably a good idea if i go last.

She looks like the result of unprotected sex in an abandoned stairwell, funnily enough.

I think it's a pretty common thing for children to be the result of unprotected sex.

In an abandoned stairwell?

Have you seen Bob Geldof ever? He's the living epitome of abandoned stairwell.

Yeah, like a sort of illegitimate backstairs sort of sprog, you know: a sort of spotty squib that nobody really likes. :D

I bet he has mushrooms under his armpits and a moss-covered scrotum.

I believe it's now perfectly ok (ie legal) to make similar 'unprotected sex'/'abandoned stairwell'-like comments about Peaches' little sister Pixie.

like, what?

like look at the stairwell on that.

i was made in a bed.

i was made in ikea.

no, your parents bought you at ikea and assembled your baby-body themselves. unless you were a showroom model of course.

its where the bed was located though. an old mattress in a wasteland holds infinite possibilities.