i do too. but there's another 500 films i need to watch. my mom and i have a blockbuster.com queue that's getting way out of hand.

i didn't write about it before, but i want to put my grandma's passing on my list. my whole world has become so different in the six months (it doesn't even feel like six months) and the empty feeling i get when i come home and i don't hear her singing songs she learned in the bomb shelters back during wwii or dancing with my brother to herb alpert is one i don't think i'll ever not feel walking through the front door. but she helped me become more independent. before september- honest to god- i had never done a load of laundry. i felt stupid tossing my stuff in the washer asking my mom what the hell i was supposed to do.

well, the thing is, i really love that music, i hardly get tired of these bands; but what really means to me and makes it dear is more like what was life for those bands, what was putting on shows, putting out fanzines, making flyers, doing artwork, starting record labels, setting up tours and then evolve past the simple music to music that ranges from like the most aggressive metal up to that point to stuff like beat happening and all the points in between. all with no media attention, no financial backing, NO INTERNET and just doing because not only was it the funnest thing to do but because it needed to happen and it affected everything so fucking much that it now exists, it's easier to obtain and participate now yet most people take it for granted and the people who actually try to do stuff are too far up their ass with some stupid agenda; it also shows that the revolution starts with the individual.

yeah, i'd love to see the movie too.

that's what i like, that feeling of community. the whole blog thing today is, i guess, the logical step because of the internet and bands now can get 100,000 copies of a cd out just through one site hyping them but back then everything seemed.. yeah, more individual and raw.

dude, i do a blog, i don't do layouts, i don't have to hook anything up, i just google images and write shit up and even with 5 minutes can get songs for people to listen to while they are reading what i write and i haven't posted anything new since february, and i have little excuses (ok, had some computer problems) for not doing it. and all i can think is, does guys had to do everything BY HAND!!! and it was awesome.

makes me feel like an idiot.

nah, not an idiot. it's inevitable, having the internet.

Uhh Drinking, Music and the longing to have been a teen in the 90's instead of the retarded 00's.

you are right, it actually makes me feel like a lazy bum.

at least we're not going to be teens in the '10s, when culture is just going to do itself in.

every-e- haha, not a bum either. i can't keep up with a personal blog for more than three entries, much less a music blog. i'm a bum.

i need to review like 20 albums, plus camera obscura's concert, sy's, and transcribe and clean up a bunch of interviews i have in the can plus make questions for new ones.

but that has to wait because i need to finish a story for my day job.

i will probably end up doing all that in like two months, hahaha.

speaking of stuff in the can, i've kept a lot of stuff i've written (music or prose or real-life accounts, reviews et al.) in the can for years and years. i literally have boxes and boxes of shit i've done that i've never shown anyone because i'm not sure if it's good enough to show anyone.

that can only work in your favor for getting a writing job, if you you felt so inclined

i do too! i have boxes of journals and papers i'm too afraid to show people. some of it is mortifying.

i read my stuff every once in a while, it's spread over the diaspora of my home, i still have those reviews i was talking about and well, awful lyrics i wrote in 5th grade, etc. i hardly show anyone what i write, though...difficult to do when working on a mainstream magazine, i know.

Acne

So far i've avoided that...

fucken aids (acne) shittest thing of being teen, and still got them.

First kiss.

cobain's death
shannon hoon's death
two fave bands in two years gonzo.
at least through nirvana i found SY.
the year that punk broke. bought that for the nirvana, then got blown away by Schizophrenia. Never before did I hear such odd, yet beautiful song structures.

I have no cultural/societal memories, mostly because I have a horrendous memory (seriously, I think I have a disorder).

One memory that sticks out is taking the train downtown with some friends to Reckless. We felt so mature, finding our own means of transport, and so foolishly cool, because no one else in our school had even heard of that store. We were so naive and self-centered.

Another is the first party I was at that got "busted." I distinctly remember Aphex Twin's Ambient Works playing at the time, and I was lying in a stupor on a bed while people were copulating in the jacuzzi tub in the accompanying bathroom. Someone busts in and yells "Cops!" in a panic, and I crawl out the window and into the woods.

I think I missed out on a lot, not having any female friends. I never got to have those giggly teenage moments. I'm still waiting to have a good toenail-paining sleepover.

In a nutshell:

Cider/ girls/ fags/ John Peel/ Brother's record collection/ Urusei Yatsura 1996/ Mogwai 1997 (soooooooo loud)/ Atari Teenage Riot 1997 (ditto)/ sex/ clothes/ 1997 election/ Joyce/ Dostoyevsky/ hatred/ superiority/ Debord (I regret this a bit)/ Marx (ditto)/ violent political activism (very ditto)/ writing terribly for terrible fanzines/ discovering good record stores/ meeting my best friend/ guitar/ band/ bandmates/ drugs/ walking/ countryside/ car accidents/ teenage death.