Sonic Youth Gossip - Good opening lines

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I'm with Glice. I left the world of journalism for P.R. and have never looked back.

generic opening lines... sounds promising, i can feel the reader's exciment already.

I'll have a bunch of templates ready to go too. Then a list of nouns and verbs. I'll have this software program that randomnly chooses the words from the list and drops them into the blanks.

Presto! Instant column!

philip m. parker
most published author in history, wrote more than 200000 books, has more than 85000 for sale on amazon.com.

All of it basically depends on what you are writing about. You can't have cookie cutter opening lines and have it sound great.

just start all your columns with "i remember back in nineteen tickity-two..."

Quote:

Originally Posted by gmku

So I was given this monthly gig writing a 500-word column for a local paper. No pay, which goes against all conventional wisdom in the freelance world, but I figure the regular exposure won't hurt business and I get to write on "anything my heart desires," according to the editor, God bless her.

I could take a day and whip up a dozen columns, bank them, pop them out one by one as the deadlines come around.

Here's the thing. I've never had a personal column. It's a little different from writing feature articles. I need a bunch of personal angles and snappy first lines.

I have one for sure, which I've dropped in conversation from time to time but never used in print. It's the "life lessons" angle, and the first line is: One thing I've learned in my travels through this crazy little thing called life is...

What are some others?

The grass you see is not actually green, no, it is actually every color but green, because the grass absorbs every color but the green light, and reflects the green to your eyes, and so the grass is not actually green, it is every color but green.

In my younger and more vulnerable years......

Start with this:

"I've been called a sinner, wrong doer, evil doer, worker of iniquity, transgressor, bad example, scoundrel, villian, knave, miscreant, viper, wretch, the devil incarnate, monster, demon, fallen angel, murderer and thief, lost sheep, black sheep, black guard, loafer and sneak, a good for nothing, ass fucking, son of a bitch -- I've been called a sinner. Here's my column. "

I thought about, "Well, I'm a sinner, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker, and I get my loving on the run. Here's my column."

Aw, well, fuck it, the editor wrote back and said they need a column that's written from a "stronger local standpoint." They liked my writing but not my subject matter, and asked that I write about "family, life, and experiences" in this town. Right. Um, I don't even like it here. And I sure ain't going to pretend I do for no pay. Now pay me my hourly rate and I'll whore for anybody.

I don't know. What does it say about me as a writer that I can't bring myself to write about where I live? Other than the fact that I detest the place. I think I have to be in love with a place to feel good about writing about it. I could write a lot based on my negative attitude about the place, but I doubt that's the kind of thing these ed.s would think is publishable in their small-town bi-weekly rag.