oh yeah get me down to Eton, aint nothing i like more than kickin the asses off some stuck up posh twats and rob their Nintendo Wii's and Prince William would be very high up the list followed shortly by Joe Pasquale down in the "slow learners" class.
see how high-pitched his voice is then, might even do a full circle, he could end up off the scales, back to basics and talking like Barry White.

To change the subject slightly,if anyone dares slagging Jo Brand off,i'll pay them a visit.

Jo Brand is an Arsenal fan, with a fat arse.

But she is funny.

yeah i like her, she's got 'tude

She used to be funny. Now she isn't. That's my great insight.

Her funniness these days is tainted with a kind of confused bitterness. I can easily identify with that.

I bet her "novels" are rubbish too.

As rubbish as she is.

Well you're the one with the means to find out. Go and read one, then put one of those "staff picks" cards by it in the shop, with "This is shite" on it. Go on, I dare you.

I'm often tempted (in a very bored at work kind of a way) to pick the WORST book and do it as a recommend just to see how many people are sucked in.

Anybody read any stinkers lately? Whatever it is, I bet it's not as stinky as Jo Brand's "comedy".

How about this one, coming soon to a shelf near you...

That's one of two coming out. There's another one published by John Blake (they specialise in trashy, non-authorized celeb biogs) in April.

Which one to choose...!!!???

Alas, there are no Fanny Cradock books in print.

It's all Heston Blumenthal this, Nigella Lawson that, Nigel Slater the other.

Although Nigella is beginning to bear more than a passing resemblance to Fanny.

The attention (and hate) he's been getting the past year is weird. I've known him since I was a teenager (when he worked for XFM). He's a sweetheart. Good that he's doing so well for himself now (off drugs).. amazing what a little backcombing and eyeliner can do! you'd think wanking off that bloke in a pub toilet for his TV show a few years back would've been the thing that made him famous...but no..

PS - His radio show is much better than anything he's currently doing on TV. If anyone likes him, they should listen to that.

You take that statement back right now young man. It's all well and good arguing the toss on a number of irrelevant and supeciluous subjects, but Nigella is a beautiful, wonderful lady and I will not have her name defamed in such a callous fashion. Miscreant.

I love Nigella.

She's a family favourite. I've made her chocolate fruitcake THREE times, and we always use her fairy cake recipe.

For anything I said which may have caused offence to Nigella, her family, friends and Glice, I offer my most heartfelt apologies.

I love Nigella.

No, really. I love Nigella.

I took the liberty of highlighting the most important part of your message. Thanks, that means a lot.

Incidentally, I've noticed that positive comments about Nigella frequently result in positive rep... did you feel the sting? The sting of social dis-acceptance? Burns, does it? Like some sort of unpleasant balm?

Wills is no longer at Eton, he's at St Andrews now. Don't you read the Telegraph?

If you like Lee's writing you might like his novel 'The Perfect Fool'.

She is looking a lot like Fanny Cradock, mind.