5...hope it will stay this way for a while now

about a 9.

I was at the White Sox game and on the "wave cam" two chicks were about to make out but then the camera man moved the camera. it was pretty awesome.

i just saw this:



sucks.

that turned my happy scale to about five.

no offense, but that's about all the excitement you can expect from a baseball game :) :)

very true. but the tickets were free and ultimately I am glad I went. Just for those 2 and a half seconds of chicks making out.

about an 8, i've just recovered from being ill and now i have 9 days off work!

0. Life is getting worse for me, despite my efforts to reverse the momentum.

In two weeks I'll be in California and for a few days I'll be alive and happy.

I'm basically living off family charity and book sales right now. Which is all nice and fine till I run out of books to sell, which is soon. And I resent
hand outs...I'm going to stop accepting it after this month, although my
mom doesn't know that yet.

9.3

3. I'm messing too many things up and I'll probably have to sold some stuff to finance more important stuff.

will be happier in a half hour (work over) and then will remain happy until monday am.

Damn Jenn, I hope your luck turns the right way.

10!! no shit.

jenn: it will pass, and i wish you the best of luck. i know you're smart, you did write a book after all, you'll think of something! lots of people are having a rough time right now. you just gotta take the bad with the good.

That's the spirit, Satan.

good luck to you jenn! and good that you're happy, satan. how is the devil's spawn growing?

i'm currently around 7-8. my boyfriend is still gone for another twelve days, but i do have an axhibition open in about an hour (together with a lot of other artists) so that kind of makes up for it.

Yesterday morning I was a 6, and by the afternoon I was probably an 8, and come the evening I was hovering between 7 and 8. It's a crazy world.

devil spawn's doing well. i am just so damn jolly for no reason. i feel like busting a move.

about 8.974 recurring

i don't really know. i'm okay i guess, not bad but have been better.

Maybe a 2... I'm beginning to hate myself.
I feel like I'm too different in too many ways from the average people that surround me... I can't relate to them and they can't relate to me. I can't be myself... I don't even know how and I dont feel like its what anyone wants me to do...
I don't hate other people... I just don't relate to them. I don't really know what I want out of life anymore.. I just feel like I'm doing things just so that there is a chance things could get better eventually..
I don't want to kill myself.. but I don't enjoy living. I have no real passion for anything that matters anymore, I feel neither highs nor lows, just complete blah.
I just want people (who aren't my family) to actually care about me.. and want to be with me.. I want to learn to love myself again.

I don't know why I'm posting this here.. I have to get it out somewhere.

Be yourself anyways, and take pride in the fact that you aren't like them. Of course, this will lead to you feeling alienated at times...but there will be those that will also be intrigued + want to get to know ya better. Plenty will be inspired.

As far as not knowing how to be yrself, embrace that idea within itself as if you are being yrself by admitting to that very thing. It's OK to be confused about our places as artists or eccentrics in this world. I'm personally always weirded out a bit by those that seem to, or act as if, they have everything figured out.

Not knowing what one wants out of life is OK. What we want often changes anyways. I don't want the same things I wanted a year ago, and damned sure don't want the same things I wanted ten years ago. The 17 year old version of myself would want to kick my ass, this I know. That kid would egg my house and slash my tires.

People make life difficult...shit is, and should be super easy however. Esp. if we embrace it for the chaotic thing it is.

And I could be wrong (I clearly deal with, and have dealt with my own shit)...but whenever I get in these weird ruts I tend to kinda block most others out...spend time with myself, read books I want to read, watch films I enjoy, listen to the music I love on repeat....just remind myself who I am and why I love the things I do.

Good luck.