Dumbest thing you've ever heard said in public
 

a few rules:

1. It has to be something YOU heard. Not something someone told you about.
2. It can't be something that was said by email of on a message board
3. It cannot be something that YOU said.

Something or other about Weapons of Mass Destruction. Everyone knew it was bullshit, but the guy carried on like it was true anyway.

I heard a guy say to one of his friends, while looking at speakers in a very valley guy voice.Dude these speakers are like the shit. I started laughing my ass off. Poor, poor guy.

Superman is on a beach, he looks around and sees a naked lady. He thinks to himself 'Hmm, If I fuck her at the speed of light, she wont notice' He quickly does it, And then after, Invisible Man says 'My butt hurts.'

Being from Liverpool, I hear many ridiculous sentences. I usually only catch fragments of conversation, but by themselves they are much more perfect.

Random guy: "A'Know, lad, we was out wiv' Jevvo and dis fella got merked. He had a muzzy".

Other random guy: "Shit, la', this origami is fuckin' mad"

I have no idea what being 'merked' is, so don't ask me.

SECURITY: "Give me the film out of that camera."
YOUNG GUY: "It's a digital camera."
SECURITY: "I don't care, gimme the film."
Young guy hands over the snap-box.
SECURITY: "Where's the film?"
YOUNG GUY: "It's a digital camera."

Funny:D

A friend: What's a condom?

need i say more? need i??

i heard the same thing

stupidest shit ever!!!


ha ha! ha ha ha ha!

oh, priceless.

This one is better

Friend: I anus a dick?

Me: Slap.

"You're an idiot"

Being that it was directed at me, I find it a very unintelligent statement.

"I think gay adoption is horrible. Think how much the kid will be bullied"

Most reactionary sentence ever.

working at Specs liquor store

a man comes in, seemingly in a hurry, and asks me "where are the martinis?"
flustered, I say, "sir, all you need is some vermouth and some vodka or gin, and you can add olives or an onion or any garnish you like."

he looks at me, "no, that's not right. I need a bottle of martinis. The way you say it is just straight vodka."
"Sir, that is how you make martinis." I reply trying not to laugh
"That's not a martini." he says before leaving.

a friend of mine once said to me "how come third world countries get free condoms and we don't?"

i heard someone say that they thought all the taxi drivers in leeds are members of the taliban.

this reminds me of the all ears section of the guardian guide.

Some guy standing to the left of me at a Black Dice gig:
"Haha, man, that´s the worst band i´ve ever seen! They don´t even know how to plug in their speakers, everthing´s just BLEEEP"


some other guy in a pub:
"You students are all anti-social bums, you´re neither supporting our economy nor our country. 60 Years ago you would have ended in concentration camp."

Wow

They must be dealing coke, because they're black???
Tigers come from Africa, you know???
All gays eventually die from aids???
Bush believes in freedom???
Men are superior to women in all ways???
We all come from monkeys???
Meat is murder???
etc...etc...

gays have only been around since the 50's

An American saying "I am Irish."

"You know, all black people are afraid of dogs."

(then why do so many black people own dogs as pets you fucking idiot?)

Two young dudes in Walgreens discussing what matters most in life:

"...bitches, money, and family."

A girl came back from a church retreat a total jesus freak:

"When we got there, they told us we were stones. But after two days we all become roses!"

Another guy who went to that same church retreat:

"Dude, thank god I had good weed with me."

that there are heaps more gay people now that there were, say, 50 years ago..My dad sprouted that one.

Once I was walking down the street and some dude leaned out of a van window and shouted to a girl in front of me, "Yo gurl, come ta my show on sunday, I'LL PUT YOU IN MY VIDEO!!!!"

I guess he had a show and a subsequent video shoot. Maybe he was someone very important and I just didn't notice. I'm not sure how this girl was supposed to know where to go to be in this video, but the whole thing was kinda funny, she looked pretty confused...

"How do you make this?" said by one of my classmates, reffering to a project that my teacher had just explained how to do 40 minutes prior.

My substitute health teacher explaining drug overdose:

"The Doors, Jim Morrison, he died of an overdose. You know the Doors? Rock 'n' roll, from my era...Kort Corbain, he did drugs...or did he kill himself? Janis Joplin, OD'd. My era..."

This guy also says "prostrate" instead of prostate, and has used the phrase "flushed white" when referring to his face.

A few years back I overheard a woman calling her daughter to leave the Barbie's alone and help her carry a microwave to her cart.

Cool right?

Yeah, to bad she referred to her daughter as "placenta."

I heard:
"Placenta dear, leave those Barbie's alone and help me with this dang microwave."

a 40 year old woman who had never heard of the beatles. 'who are they, is that? is that blur'?