i'm going to actually do a serious thread for once
 

so i went up to nyc to see this girl that i was dating. well, she was acting a little weird. after the first day she said that she's scared because she likes me a lot and doesn't want to rush things and wants to take it slow.

i'm scared that she'll lose interest in me. i like her more than i liked anyone. the hardest part is taking things slow when i live in florida and she lives in nyc. i do plan on moving up there in june, but that's still three months away. most of the people that i talked to said when the girl says that we should take things slow it's nothing good. only one person said it's great news.

anyone have any advise?

pics of her

since new years. no, she just brought it up out of nowhere. she said this is what it was like with her last bf and doesn't eant it to end that way and that her best relationships were with guys that she took things slow with.

also, how old are you guys? it's a whole different ballgame if you're 18 than if you're 30

she's 23 and i'm 25 going on 26 this month.

-nse is usually the verb form; -nce, the noun.

Licence is the thing; license is the act.

See?

This seems to not apply to the American legal system.

23, that's tricky, girls at that age are prone to freak out about things getting too serious. just keep it slow, wait out the 3 months, keep in regular contact but not so regular that she feels suffocted. make sure you move to NY when you say you will otherwise she'll think you're a loser.

yeah, maybe i have been weirded out just because this came out of nowhere. thanks for the advise!

yeah, i'm going to let her mostly do the contacting.

my name is Leon Phelps, and to those of you that are uninitiated, I am an expert in the ways of love.

I have made love to many fine ladies from the lowliest bus station skank to the classiest most sophisticated, educated, debutant, high society... bus station skank.

with this in mind, I ask you, does she still put out?

I'd say take it slow.

That isn't meant to be a dis, but really you don't have any other particular choice aside from ending things, right?

So you are probably worrying if she lacks commitment and might see other guys while you are making your way up there. "Take it slow" probably means to her for you not to worry about that, either because: 1) she gets freaked out by people who worry too much about it or 2) she definitely wants to be able to do so. Either way, you are best off to not let it get to you and just wait and see how it turns out.

When you talk on the phone and online, talk about good places for you to live when you get there, not for you and her to live. Don't ask about who she was with when she did stuff unless she mentions it, and don't ask for details about who other people are unless she volunteers that stuff. Give her all the space she asks for and more while still sharing the stuff you have in common and the things you might do together when you're there.

When you show up, she may turn out to be the girlfriend you want to have, or she may not. If not, there are probably 50,000 other girls of interest in NYC for you to meet instead. If you are actually moving up there mostly because she lives there, you better make sure you'd want to live there if she didn't exist first. Which isn't being pesssimistic, it could still work out, but don't set yourself up for a huge let down if you really don't have any reason to be sure.

three months is nothing. hone your phone sex kungfu and you'll be fine.

if it was a longer time, i'd worry.

also you can have an intermediate visit maybe.

are you a good letter writer too?

you just wanna make sure that she doesn't feel lonely/forgotten in all this time, so she doesn't need to find consolation elsewhere. if she's fearful of getting hurt, reassure her.

whatever happens at the end man, just be sure it's memorable.

Listen to Dead-Air. Especially the last point. Good luck.

Sounds like she's ocupado with the BBD to me; but that's okay, for there are other fishes in the sea.

It may suck but you may realistically not have much control over the situation if you two aren't really connecting.

You should maintain friendly relations, visit again, and make sure to go out with her to a nightclub or bar and meet someone else while there next time. And then after the fact, remind her that since you are only friends, she should have no problem with it.

we're connecting. it's not because (as far as i know, but she would tell me because she tells things straight up), we don't like each other. i'm just worried about this taking things slow and she'll lose interest in me. she told me she's not the girl that looks for guys and she's been single for almost a year.

thanks! that's very good advise.

i prefer to think you're not being serious.

Yup

what do you mean? that i'm not serious about her? or i'm not being serious? if it's the latter, i am serious and i think i'm allowed to bring up one personal situation on this board. i think every 500 posts you should be given a pass alloewing this.

i'm not going to put up pictures of her on this messageboard. that's just creepy.

Hmm, she's not dated for a year, so I suppose there's little chance that all this has to do with her actually being in the process of treating some sexually transmitted disease. From your account, which is brief (& forgive me if I cause you any grief), it just seems a bit like she is trying to let you down easy.

Then again, maybe she is actually thoughtful and intelligent and a modern metropolitan exemplar of chastity and purity. I suppose if that's really the case then she deserves all the time in the world.

opps, i just realized i have been spelling advice wrong. oh well.

moving to a new city is a B-EYE-ITCH, and it takes everything, especially moving to NYC

having to worry about a boyfriend is extra baggage. give her some time, and if she is still into you and you are into her, and sh wants you to move up to NYC, do so, but do NOT m,ove up there just to live with her. get yr own place at least at first, and see what it is like to date each other in NYC

yeah, i never even thought of moving in with her. that would be too much. i wanted to move up there before her, but it just happens she lives up there.

take as much time as you can. no need to rush into things. if things work out, then the two of you will have an incredible bond as your relationship progresses. if not, the chances of you two being still being friends are stronger than if you two were 'madly in luuuv' without even finding out each other's last names.

if she loses interest, oh well (sorry if that sounds harsh). you can meet five soulmates in one night on the town in new york.

what're you going to be doing up there? enjoying the weather?

most of my friends from down here moved up there. i'm the only one left in florida out of my group of friend

GET THE FUCK OUT OF FLORIDA RIGHT NOW.

that's a geriatric state.

I wish I could find a chick that would take things chill.

it really is. i mean some places are cool, like gainesville and st. petersburg, but most of the state is redneck shit.

YEAH.

& listen to me. im the king of long distance relationships, ha ha ha ha.

I pointed that out ages ago. You can't ask for 'advise' and then not listen, that's just shocking behaviour.

or: wake up & smell the freakin roses