standing next to a celebrity at the adjacent urinal
 

This is how I think this potentially-awkward scenario would develop with the following celebrities:


Bill Oddie:

Oddie walks to the urinal sheepishly (I later notice that there are ants and other bugs crawling in his hair). Oddie struggles to open his zip. He fidgets and fumbles while muttering the kind of obscenities that you don't expect to hear from a family-friendly 'national treasure'. I look over to see what all the commotion is about, and he nervously smiles at me but is visibly frustrated with his zip. After a prolonged battle with it, he finally unleashes his percy and makes an excited mouse-type noise with relief.

He only takes a few seconds to urinate; he’s clearly embarrassed and wants to get away from here as soon as possible. But rushing isn't the answer; at the taps, I can't help but notice that there is lots of post-putaway seepage at the top of his dark-green trousers.

03/10
EMBARRASSING AT THE TIME; BUT A PERFECT TALE TO TELL AT DINNER-PARTIES.


Ross Kemp:

For Ross, this is just a man 'thing' between two men. As he arrives at the urinal to my right, he turns to me and nods conspiringly; he unzips and gets on with his business, quickly and efficiently. In fact, he's so intimidatingly professional (did he learn this in the army... or prison?) that I have frozen: I've suddenly lost the ability to urinate myself, no matter how much I shake and urge. Once he's finished, he walks by me (still struggling), and slaps me mately on the back ('its ok' the slap says, 'I've been there... I'm just a guy like you').

Though a tough guy on the screen, it's pleasing to see that Ross still finds time to do effeminate things like washing his hands.

09/10
MANLY (WITH A DASH OF 'NEW MAN').


George Galloway:

Galloway stumbles to the urinal while growling. He undoes his zip and pisses all over his shoes. He then pisses all over my shoes, without acknowledging it. I turn towards him, annoyed; and he looks at me, twitches, and shouts ‘fuck off!’ in my face. He steps back, makes a violent pained-type noise; and I’m sure something is excreted down the back of his trousers. He stumbles away, turns the hot tap on but only pretends to wash his hands under it, and walks out of the door into the midst of this crazy city.

01/10
PUZZLING AND DISTURBING.



Meat Loaf:

I hear a friendly 'morning' from Meat Loaf as he steps to the urinal. It's a brisk routine for Meat Loaf. He's a natural; he’s never bothered to analyse the awkwardness of this moment, so he simply doesn't feel any awkwardness - and his confidence transfers to me. After a cheerful 'goodbye', he walks away while whistling. I'm done but I remain standing at my urinal, in a state of awe: short of holding it for me, I can't imagine a better exemplar of perfect urinal side-manner.

10/10

so, yr admitting to being a urinal peeper?

you should ask Clone for PRO-TIPS!

I urinated next to Giant from Ghost once and I didn't look, so there.

so we will NEVER know if "that" is why they call him Giant??

such a shame.

Sorry.
I think I've stated many times that I'm more of a stall man in any case.

I peed next to Opie or Anthony - I don't remember which. In retrospect I probably should have peed on him.

I pee-peed next to Bob Mould at a Husker Du concert in 1985

Wayne Coyne.

Didn't say a damn word. Also didn't wash his hands as he left for the autograph signing.

^^that DIRTY FUCKER.

Being in the same urinal with Coyne, one would expect balloons, laser lights, a huge screen, animals dancing...

no

A weird look and a b-line out.

nice celebrerelic urolagnic homoerotic thougths you have there.
childhood trauma?

i've peed next to David Yow at a Qui show last summer (my closest brush with switching teams, so to speak), and Fred Schneider in the Hard Rock Casino in Las Vegas.

I know someone who peed ON David Yow.

i peed near the wailing wall once and this dude was shamelessly checking everyone's peckers. i am not a celebrity.

Peeing next to Vin Diesel = PRETTY OKAY?

my friend was in the same bar as ian s. and allison wolfe. that's the closet i came to being near any celebrities

From an interview with Augusten Burroughs, author of Running With Scissors:

i saw the drummer for deerhoof shaving in the bathroom before a show once.

Most of my friends never use the 'Cock Trough'. They're a bit of an archaic invention, if you ask me.

Yo, dawg, I'm sorry, but when I have time to fantasize, it's not about men urinating in the stall next to me, celebrities or no! You're sick, man. Consider yourself negatively repped for bad form.

I personally don't see how it's physically possible to expel bodily waste in such close proximity to another human being. I have severe performance anxiety.

wear a diaper.

I prefer catheters. Much more convenient and hygienic.

I've had a couple of cool moments. I got drunk with Lance Henricksen (MilleniuM, Aliens, Powder, Pumpkinhead) and Tony Todd (Candyman) once. Well, it was like me...six other people...and then Lance and Tony. But it was pretty much just the group of drinking and smoking cigarettes until late...when we went to a bar down the street.

I was also lucky to have dinner once with the entire original Cenobyte group from the first Hellraiser.

Oh...and I had dinner with Rudy Ray Moore (Dolemite) one time.

refined taste.
i like that.

i pissed next to thurston at the ATP they curated at UCLA in whatever year that was... 02, 03? it was after he did his first "side project" freak out the first day. he didnt' wash his hands after he was done. neither did it. i never do. i learned long ago to not get piss on my hands when i take a leak. i don't know what his reason was.

that's not the reason you should wash your hands after peeing

piss is sterile. if there's no water, you can wash your hands with it. wash off the VD.

Like the fork and knife, some devices' simplicity cannot be improved.

I heard Meatloaf hums Hot Patootie to himself everytime he pees.

I peed next to Jon Langford once, back in his Three Johns days. Hung like a donkey, I can tell you....

I was in this situation for real yesterday, with the guy who plays Cain Dingle (Emmerdale).

8/10.

lol! This has to be the greatest thread ever. Thank you NWRA.
Urinals are genius, if you choose to stand and piss at an actual toilet, the stream can deviate! deviate dammit!

this thread is hilarious.

if i was a dude, and i happened to be pissing next to a celebrity, i would look. um i guess that makes me a perv.

my last girlfriend was in the next toilet cubicle to the porn star belladonna, and heard her do what sounded like an enormous poo.

that's fucking awesome!

Funny stuff. I don't know that I ever urinated next to a celebrity.
My older brother took a leak next to Bob Seger in the seventies. I have heard the story a few times. He just said he was tall.
I am not suprisede wayne coyne didn't wash his hands,he is a dirty basterd.