Why?
 

Have you ever had a relationship with someone who can completely drive you off the rails?Someone you quite possibly fall in love with at first sight since you hear that 'click' in your head?You know the type of situation i'm talking about.An encounter of spirits........

Yes. Yes I do. Why?

Absinth?

Just asking.It's just that that type of person is really playing with my head at the moment.

Brilliant!

He decided that he had enough of living in London as he spent all his life in here.He went on to do a Phd in fine arts in Australia and now he's not sure anymore as he misses home too much.I knew it was gonna end up this way.The many arguments about me going to join him over there proved exactly what i thought:that i was right!It's been a few months now and i've been trying to get over him with some degree of success but i still get mails from him that say how much he's in love with me.I'm terribly confused.

Yes toxic johnny,that's exactly what i've thought and kept on telling him.I was clear enough that i didn't want to have a long distance realtionship.In his head he does still think that one day we will live together like in 'Love Boat' or something but my realistic self thinks this is not going to happen unless he will do the right thing and come back home(as much as Australia is a beautiful place,i'm sure).He has talent and he's sharp but when it comes to day-to-day things he can be terribly immature.

Why is he opposed to coming home, if he misses it so badly?

Tell me about it.One is because he quite certainly misses me(and i sure miss him too).Two is because doing a PHD in Australia is certainly cheaper than doing one in England.He also has no-relationship whatsoever with his family apart from his sister who lives,guess,in Australia.Such a mind-bugging situation.

Does he plan to come home after he's through? Have you considered moving there?

I have but it was never in my plans to start with.As much as i would probably like it,it's not something that i have ever thought of doing.He plans to come back to England after the three years that his course will take but i simply do not want to have a relationship with someone who lives on the other side of the planet.It just does not work out that way for me.I think it is a case where he found out that he's struggling like mad to survive over there and he's getting well depressed.I love him though.

You claim a long distance relationship doesn't work out for you, but you are quite obviously still hung up on him.

I say, go the ultimate romantic route - either hold out for him, or throw caution to the wind and move there. How often in your life do you encounter 'true love'?

If you don't make an effort in one direction or another, you will live the rest of your life with unanswered questions and lingering regrets.

Wow! Listen to this girl, Porkmarras, my man, she speaks much sense.

i had a similar experience to toxic johnny, and second what he says.

Piss off, you wet blanket.

you've been reading too much mills & boon

Does that mean that I'm a wet blanket too!.

fuck it, throw hell to the wind, pack a case and off to Oz, this is clearly doing your head in and you have to go just to see, if it doesnt work out get on the plane back home. ok you've spent X amount of money going and coming back but the money you've spent is the cost of finding out once and for all, then you know and its the end of the chapter - life moving on - case closed. I feel for you brother, love can make the most ordinary people do the most extraordinary things but dont ever comprimise, dont be a doormat. you deserve more.

Many a time i have thought of packing buckets and spades and head off to sunny Australia just to be with him.But i also believe that if you love someone you will find a way to compromise in order to make the relationship work to its best.This i understand myself but i am not sure if he does.Even though i would obviously like for him to come back,i also understand that you should follow your dreams and be happy with it.This i understand perfectly well.There is more to the story.When i first met him he was in a bad way and he was playing havoc with his own body way too often(self-harming).I take full credit for changing all that by setting my foot down and make him stop the madness.Many times and with loads of love and unbelievable patience.I'm not saying that because of that he owes me anything but surely he should understand that we both have different agendas in this life and unless that agenda is a clear one it is probably better for both our lives to drain down two different plugholes.

i agree. sometimes it's sad but that's just they way it is. it sounds like he'll come back to england though, maybe you'll be able to werk stuff out then. i'm a little cynical when it comes to this sort of thing, and with out really knowing either of you it's hard to say certainly, but i don't think moving to australia would neccessarily be the best thing to do.

your right man, i shoot my mouth off a bit and i can be a bit selfish, i dont have too much love experiance (being in the same boat as yourself) it is about comprimise(<-and i just realised i'm shite at spelling that) but fuck it man, follow your heart and do what you feel inside, if you need an irish opinion or someone to off-load to you know where the fishmonkey is.

It wouldn't simply because i feel like he can't really walk with his own legs just yet.I am a perfectly reasonable person but i think he has crossed my boundaries one time too many.I have always been there for him and i lent him more than a shoulder to cry upon but now i'm slowly starting to learn that if there isn't some sort of balance to cling up to,the whole thing will collapse eventually.Time will indeed tell.

Yes.

Piss off, you wet blanket.


Wonderfully said.

Cynicism, experience, and pragmatism aside, one cliche can sum it up:

You only live once.

i wonder if you following him out to australia might give him the wrong sort of signals too, take you for granted or come to be too dependant on your being there for him? obviously i don't know him, so maybe i'm coming to the wrong conclusions, but the way you describe him i don't know how much more help you can give him or whether it's better for himself to try to learn to cope alone?

I'm not the cynical type but i base everything i do or think on reality.I could possibly follow my heart(and,my,do i love this guy) but it would end up hurting both of us more than anything.I have said to him before that if he wanted to go and be an artist in Australia that is fine but i'm perfectly happy to live and breathe here in London,wich might be a harsh place at times but it offers many rewards on many,many levels.Sure,it is fine to feel that if you were born and bred here you can get sick of the place for some reason or another but that shouldn't really affect your relationships to the point that the the person who you are meant to love will end end up truly having enough of you.Enough is enough.

sorry to hear that your having problems. you guys are a real good couple. simon is a really great guy. i am the king of long distance relationships. had one that lasted seven years and it was very hard. its strange because when you are apart you both change, your lives go on and then when you see eachother again its just different. things are not the same when you are not together. all i can say is that either go to australia and be with him, which is not a bad idea or stay and wait/split up do something about it sooner rather than later otherwise it will make you life a misery and i dont want to see that happen to you man.

You've just described every serious relationship I've ever had.