Calm me down
 

Blue lights. Picturing beautiful landscapes.
Anger, anxiety, insomnia, hands shaking.
wanting to strangle people.
taking deep breaths.
don't suggest drugs - i need something now.
help me not be a crazy bitch.
thank you.

calm down.

In before porky's mean comments.

i want this more than anything:

drink a beer.

Drink a beer.

maybe you should just strangle someone?

i have beer all the time and it only helps for a couple of hours.

strangling someone tho, that could REALLY change it.

what's the problem, knox? meaning, the reason for your bad state?

Did your ex moving out steal a bottle of wine you bought last night? I doubt it. So if you need somebody to strangle, I think I might spring for airfare.

drink a lot of beer.

there is so much going on for me to sort out in such short time.
people aren't helping either. people are cunts.

nobody stole my bottle of wine. true.

im pretty ill so last night cough syrup+beer brought me moments of joy.

but for some reason i slept 17 hours, and now i feel broken.

i might try again tonight, and a slice of pie.

maybe i should COOK, maybe that'll calm me down.

that is actually a pretty good idea.

and what im gonna do is honey and tekila.

its pretty good.

I'd cook, but she stole a bag of rice too. And she's got fucking food stamps.

drink a beer while strangling someone.

Drink a beer while strangling someone who's holding a beer, then take the beer. Repeat until drunk.

If you mean Canada you're right. But it is a severe test of my powers of seduction to get somebody to step on a plane, no matter, well, no matter... I like a challenge anyway.

It just sucks that I still have to suck it up and take her bullshit or end up in a horrible battle that will be awful for our son. I didn't take it particularly well today and called her and let her have it. Oh well.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

that sucks.

as for getting a plane it is quite easy.

it was better before the edit.

its what you want to hear right?

its what you want to EDIT

but what drugs? i have none.

your brain is a drug

you have to go sober.

dig it out with a fork

a walk, some fresh air, and intensely staring at a tree for as long as it takes.

welcome to amateur heidegger hour with sarram

Perhaps. For somebody who lives in two places across the world, it would seem that way. Getting on a plane because you think somebody's face is pretty and you write nice things with them, I'm not so sure. I'd do it if I didn't have the child and a good job, but if she doesn't I'll understand.

anyway, I didn't mean to hijack your pity me thread other than to point out that there's always somebody in a more pitiable position. I know there is compared to me. I have a fucking lot right now, and a major source of irritation just walked out the door, albeit with a few thing she should have left.

barely any trees around me.

as for picking my brain with a fork, it reminds me i saw some brains being fried on tv and i got all nervous.

there is no better reason for getting on a plane that somebody's pretty face and nice words.

i love it when you talk to me about alma. verme is one of those people, he says things to me that for some reason make me think YEAH hes right. thats it.

ha. those were pessoa's words, not mine.

i know, he's pretty amazing.
but you just like have this zen thing about you, i don't know.
imma let you buy me a beer.

Do you think you might write me a letter of reference?

coming from me, it probably would do more harm than help but yes i'll sign as someone else.

google a tree pic and stare at it, then.

as if i haven't tried that. this does it for me:

did you try staring at a picture of myself? I could up one, if you like.

yes please.
the little boy got boring now.

This is just too weird. I was thinking about how you seem so tightly wound, even moreso than me. I was thinking about how you are probably a really nice person under all that severe bitch persona. And now you write this. If I could do something for you to make it all go away I would. I really, really would.

ok, i will. Not now, though, as i am off to bed. In the meantime, chillax and sweet dreams.

Could lolcats help?

it makes me miss mine.