i found a neck in the woods
 

so i found somebodys neck in the woods yesterday. it wasnt attached to a body (or a head) and it was gruesome

tell a story about something that happened to you that sounds like a well known phrase or saying

I put wheat inside my pants once and it chafed!

I jerked off onto a church once. True story.

I gave a bj to someone in a dressing room at K-Mart's once. And no, it wasn't Martha Stewart.
I know, irrelevant.

artsygrrl

that's a great story, seriously. i tried doing it in a club's toilet once and the security guard in 2 minutes, so kudos.

so let's listen to the bets song in the world

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Al9blQOhNw

I think you meant to link to this song.

mmm

no

I'm still working this one out....

"tried doing it in a club's toilet" (nasty, but I get it).

"and the security guard in 2 minutes" is what's stumping me.

either: you did someone in a toilet and then a security guard two minute later or the security guard only took two minutes to do OR you were busted after only two minutes of your nasty (and I assume loud) club toilet business.

:confused:

quantum mechanics tell me that in an infinite universe all of the above happened simultaneously, with the only given constant being the speed of light, you, a toilet and a security guard.

Ok.
I apologise for last night's drinking.
I think the security guard saw me getting into the toilet with my then boyfriend.
I think he waited 2 minutes and concluded it wasn't cocaine we were doing in there.
So started knocking on the door.
Saying 'get the fuck out you two, NOW'

how disappointingly anti-climatic for both you and this story.

:(

I know.
But in a different reality the security guard was cute and joined in.

that said: take note, men, women are turned on by nasty toilets.

you sucked them both off? you minx!

Should we start talking about toilets now?

Toilet humour sucks.

my germaphobia won't let me go much further. I'll stand guard outside.

haha. Thanks, knox. Makes me wonder if the surveilence camera video is shown every year at the annual staff X-mas party.
BTW, best song ever!

I take that back. I just had an incident worth pondering.

I drink a lot of coffee. invariably, after a few hours, I have to drain. just now, while pissing, I had a lady try the knob. when that didn't work, she knocked, tried the knob again (violently) and then started banging. I'd been in there less than 30 seconds.

my question is: who the fuck does this shit? if the door is locked, chances are it's occupied and all of your frantic banging won't make me piss any fucking faster.

it's ocupado, bitch.

at home, I'll piss in the fucking sink. at work, I've failed to lock the door enough that I'm now positively anal about.

I don't mind the lady's sly grins over my gigantic leaking lovetube; it's the creepy guys I can do without.

one can't help but notice the enthusiasm you share when it comes to sharing bathroom stories (thinking about each other's penis)

I'm thinking about afundso's penis right now. thinking and laughing.

alright ill post mine

Holy shit, just a neck? I'm trying to figure out what a neck looks like without a body and head....just a flap of skin or...I don't know...

I was trying to make a redneck joke in the woods, but that was too easy.

Ok, so.

I got a blowjob in the front seat of my van the other week after a wedding in the parking lot of the reception hall when people were still there/running around taking pictures of eachother and all that haha.

The reception hall wasn't secluded either, straight up in a shopping center/main road in a high traffic area...

two cop cars drove by

I've never jerked off on a church, that is awesome.

I have had sex in one.

In the basement where the kids would have classes, this was in highschool during a youthgroup thing so there were dozens of dark rooms with noone in them.

DDD

That's all very inappropriate.

the church thing was on a weeknight when there were no kids there

cleaner than a bathroom stall haha

Haha

Ok, seriously tho....really, a neck in the woods?

I meant sharing.
Some of us don't want those mental images.

^^yeah hahaha, brittany murphys character in that movie was so fucked up...

"I love my daddys chicken"


my girlfriend showed me that movie a few weeks ago, it was so sad...but I really liked it.

Ok, well I didn't want to picture you in a toilet in some club either. Thanks for sharing.

Or artsy girl, or eugene by that logic...

nah, I don't give a fuck really. I think it's funny and actually didnt visualize any of you...

thanks for singling me out for some reason though

Yes, yes you did.

But anyway, that's what clubs and changing rooms are for.
Not the church. For Christ's sake.

I liked Jolie in girl interrupted tho, well, not her character but her acting...

she reminded me of a female version of a guy I knew...a friend who kinda became a sociopath...

so half the time you think they're hilarious and funny and edgey then you realize they're selfish, irrational, and evil as fuck

^^Tho my favorite was the bigger girl who would laugh at everyone for being crazy...or maybe that was the blonde...I can't remember

Well, my parents forced me to go to church at the time...so it was my snotty, anti religious vengeful secret...haha...it was quite exhilierating

pictures or it didn't happen.

hey DDD, don't let 'these people' ruin your fun *I* would very much like to 'visualize' pictures of your girlfriend naked. feel free to make that happen, my man. dig it.

Did you look at her funny when you left?


You should have. At least a dirty look or something....maybe make her feel creepy? I dunno....just some ideas...though I'm sure you don't need them.