I have something to tell you..........
 

.........i'm straight!I didn't want to come out on an internet forum but i had to start somewhere.

Sorry you've gone to far into queer world for we to belive your manhood as a straight man.

When did you first realise that you might be straight? How did it happen? How far have things gone? Have you just felt the tinglings of heterosexuality in your loins, or have you gone so far as to kiss a woman? Or have you maybe gone even further?

well well well... looks like someones neen telling a few porkies.

Hayden will be upset.

Oh no! Does this mean you'll have to change your wardrobe and start dressing like a fashionless hetrosexual?

Wasn't he a model before?

was it the drag thing that finally got you?

No it was taking it up the ass that finally did it for him.

My sneezing wasn't as camp as it used to be.I just thought to myself:'This is not right,i'm sneezing in a butch way and i've never done that before'.On top of that i found myself looking on my local newsagent's shelves for magazines like 'top gear' and the like.I'm sorry,i didn't mean it to come ou this way........will you come to watch the football with me next sunday?

You are going to get some people sad tomorrow porky.

Well I have to go and sleep.

Porky, I blame those conservatives for ruining you.

No wonder you've been obssesing about Cantankerous lately.

Bisexual people are a sub-species that hide under dusty carpets.

Bi people will evntually marry and have wonderful kids and lead a boring life.

Be very careful who you tell.

When I came out of the closet and proudly proclaimed to my parents that I was STRAIGHT they hit the fucking roof.

My father threw me out the house saying I was not taking girls into my bedroom while under his roof.

My mother didn't speak to me for ten years and when I got my own place all the neighbours started pushing nasty notes under my door and local kids put fireworks through my letterbox.

Well, all that was 20 years ago and I'd like to say I did the right thing but I'm not so sure. There are some bad kids around here and even to this day such is the prejudice that if I go to the shops I still get chased and kicked unconscious by gangs of skinheads.

So did Cantankerous finally reverses the polarity of you?

Oh no! You said, "I'm straight"? We thought you said "I've strayed". We were trying to kick you back to the ways of the Lord. I'm so awfully sorry.

Regards,

Quentin,
Skinheads for Jesus (East Midlands chapter)

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to UVRAY again.

Allow me to do the honours on your behalf, Porkie.

Is there any comment you wish to be made, or shall I just leave the rep?

Oh something like:'Dear fellow straight boardie,i feel really sorry for the battering and humiliation that you suffered during all those years............' etc etc.

Many Thanks

I've been straight all my adult life, and it's threads like this that make me sick. Just because it's 'cool' now to kiss girls, everyone and their sister thinks they're straight! You'll be back to being gay before you know it. Fucking heteroposeur.

I've repped UVRAY on your behalf, with the comment: "This rep is given to you on behalf of Porkmarras, who would think that you have a sexy bum were he not so resolutely straight."

Is that okay?

Hold on..........are you suggesting that i might like male bums?You calling me gay?Eh?

I wouldn't dream of it, you big poofter.

*pushes him about*
Watch it mate!

Watch it yourself! You should be careful pushing people about like that, you might break a fingernail.

Oi!What fingernail,uh?

That lilac thing on the end of your finger.

Haha, I knew this would happen.

have you tried not being straight?

i hear there are places and support groups to go, if you think you might be straight and they talk to you about the joys of been gay...

aww fuck this, this thread is fucked up.
Porkie, stop trying to steal Alex's thunder, just cuz you wish you were 16 again.

Porky! My dreams have been crushed!

I suppose since Alex is gay now I could start hitting on him or I could make Clone finally get his fat ass out of the closet.