Why are the Black Keys FUCKING EVERYWHERE.
 

What?

I mean, goddamn. What is the big motherfucking deal?

I recently found myself with a great deal more free time on my hands. After one week, I have heard the Black Keys mentioned more times than I can count, in more types of media than I can remember, and I suddenly know who Dan Auberbach is and I have a beehive of his stupid opinions floating around in my brain, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I think that awful new blah-rock album of theirs is actually hypnotizing people with its nauseating cover, and I keep thinking "Wow, when the Foo Fighters were the biggest band around they sucked pretty bad, but were nowhere near as omnipresent as these two dipshits"

I am seriously seething with anger - spitting, crackling, boiling venemous anger. If you can't tune out a rock band by either a) not listening to the radio (check); b) not spending time in record stores (check-lately); or c) not going to bars/concerts/college campuses then something is fucking not right.

I don't care about celebrities. Why can't everyone stop caring so their voice is taken away, and the only mode of expression they have is their chosen art/medium?

And how could this guy possible have so much to complain about? They're manipulating social media, TMZ culture, and the overall ultra-dumbness of young white males to gain influence. It's like the tall weird motherfucker is preparing to run for the goddamn US Senate. AHH!

You should go out more dude.

They suck. At least the first 4 White Stripes albums had some great songs and energy.

They've effectively positioned themselves as "the" rock band for those who complain about the demise of rock n' roll in the mainstream. They're safe, radio can play them and are willing to give in to every commercial pressures (licensing songs etc.) so they can gain more popularity.

Oh, and did I mention they write boring songs with no teeth that all sound the same?

I don't get it myself? I remember when they were two shy dudes barely able to handle opening for Sleater-Kinney, and then just a few years later they're selling out the Staples Center like they were the Lakers?

I really dig Attack & Release, Brothers was ok, El Camino was decent, but I really don't understand all the fanfare. Also, I noticed they just put out another record but I don't think I'm interested because I'm sure its just another bluesy ish rock and rollish record about relationships gone wrong. It still probably better than there earlier emo-piano-college-rockish nonsense.. It seems like the first 3 Black Keys records were written by a guy who never had a girlfriend in his life, and then the last 3 records were written by the same guy after his only two girlfriends completely abused him because they were nothing but trouble but he didn't have the experience nor the desire to care.

his solo albums are boring but the early-mid White Stripes stuff was great. Jack White is too obsessed with the idea of Jack White nowadays to make anything as sincere as he used to

I agree with this. I also liked the first Dead Weather record with Jack on the drums and vocals, it had a very "early White Stripes" attitude. But yeah, Jack White is caught up in a fantasy of himself these days.

i managed to avoid knowing them for awhile until a lot of people came to my dj night after their nearby gig, but now dan auerbachh has produced albums for a couple people i like who don't sound like the black keys at all so they really are everywhere

agree 100% with the OPs sentiments. all these bands are just noise i try to block out before i fall into a trance and wake up having spent £90 on a pair of skinny jeans. all the indie rock bands that were so popular in the 00's. dont know why black keys are still around but there you go, bland and boring indie rock has been bombarding us for years and it can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop, ever.

Be glad you havn't heard of The Black Box Revelation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVVL8ZgZMUQ
Oops...

Inspired by stand-up comedian Steve Hughes;
"Ours is good bland indie rock. It's good melody/rhythm loving rock music.
Kinda like rock'n'roll light. Sort of a diet rock'n'roll.
Sort of a - I can't believe it's not rock'n'roll. -

I saw them open for SK myself. One Beat tour? That was forever ago.

They're from Akron, right next door to me. And I've run into a bunch of people who knew them backintheday. Every single one claims they are both big assholes.

Perhaps they've grown kind since then. Or perhaps it's only assholes who get to sell out Staples Center.

In this genre JSBX is only great band. I´ve got Brothers and it´s ok, but really didn´t make me Black Keys-fan when I heard it. Heard some of their earlier stuff & they´re also ok, but I have no interest to listen them whole.

I believe they´ve been forgotten after five years, like most of the bands today.

Have to say that Auerbach produced DR. JOHN Locked Down-album is the greatest Dr. John-album since Sun Moon & Herbs.

White Stripes have their issues. Jack White is a total fuck and his solo shit sucks, but they were one of the best live bands I've ever seen, and they made blues rock sound dangerous again.

Black Keys are... Fuck man I don't even know because they are so awful I would ever see them in concert. I think they did open for a band I saw once, but I just chilled at the bar during their set. Or I missed it completely. See, I don't even remember!!

I've gotta say I laughed out loud when I read what Jack white wrote about this Dan Auberbach dbag in those ultra personal emails no one had any business reading. It really made auberbach seem like an absolute gangly fucking nothing of a human being. And then he didn't even bite back. He's just like "yeah Jack a white's cool" because he's a giant pussy. Yet he wants to fight with everything else that lives and breathes on Twitter. Even Arcade Fire? Who does this guy think he is?

He's captured the hearts and tiny tiny minds of MOR radio rock fans. Yay. Gasp! OMG. Tweet! That's not even an accomplishment.

They're definitely the most eager to please band out there. They make me miss Coldplay. I know Coldplay's still around, but they don't feel much like Coldplay these days. Anyway, I'd take them over this shithorse of a band any day.

I disagree. JSBX is part of a different era, and I think the White Stripes earned their ( ugh .. Pun) stripes as a legitimate and boundary pushing band. I enjoy them, and I feel like they're the only band since Nirvana to top the charts with screeching, storming punk derived guitars and minimal production. That's something, yeah?

Well, I think JSBX started that nineties minimalistic garage rock/punk era, but like Stooges & MC5 in the seventies, they were too early. White Stripes came in right time, so they got all the glory instead of JSBX. I like some White Stripes songs, but never heard decent whole album.

My favorite 2 member band (and it is bass and drums) is Death From Above 1979. I think they took it to such a full sound so energetic, no attempt to "blues it up". They straight RAWKED it Fucking love them.

Black Keys sounds to me like generic blues rock.

The White Stripes took that same tack but their heavily distorted and gain up to 11 guitar sound made it sound fresh and new, plus Jack White seemed to experiment more with song structure and tension in White Stripes as opposed to his terminally dull solo and raconteur stuff.

White Bloods Cells is their best, most cohesive record, IMO. If you don't like that in whole then you should stick to the singles.

Consolers of the Lonely is not as terminally boring as the other records.. the first Dead Weather record was solid. But yeah, he gets too caught up in himself and particularly bad directions his music can go instead of keeping it simple. As to the Dan/Jack twitter battle, I think the entirety of it is so mercilessly stupid, not only are they trolling each other, they're trolling the entire country and are doing it so damned well that nobody even realizes!

Thanx, I will listen it. Elephant is only whole album I´ve heard. Friend who loaned it to me said it was their best. I really still like Seven Nation Army, but the whole album was boring. I am not single-listener, of course I could think some good collection of White Stripes...

jack white is everywhere too and i am not a fan either, i just got the new neil young he produced.

That criticism is several years too late, Jack already wrote this self-deprecating song about it ;)