a customer gave me fifty bucks to kill a roach
 

my work got a phone call at one in the morning asking if the delivery guy could come over and kill a roach. she said she would give me fifty bucks. so i rode my bike over there and after a bit i found the roach and killed it. i, also, found a dildo under her bed while searching for the roach. i made a hundred and fifty six dollars last night.

good work

i'm a damn pro at killing those guys.

i even have 4 different ways of torturing them using only a double-ply paper towel.

impossible. 2.75 maybe. no way you got 4.

Congratulations. How did it taste?

You said they paid you $50 to kill the roach? SO how did you make a hundr.... Oh, wait, I get it!













WAIT, NO, NOW I GET IT!!!!

did you dress as a cop? if so, it's just like that movie sonny!

exactly!

don't doubt. i may one day show the world via youtube, as long as hippies/PETA/buddhists stay off my back

Tell us more Uhler

No one has asked the most important question. Was she hot?

she had a bayside cd. that speaks for itself.

ok. i went back to my work and drank some water and hung out until after 2 am. then i rode two miles home and went to bed.

Ah, I knew this story would get interesting!

you should have killed PAPA ROACH instead. bah.

Suffocating, no breathing. Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding.

Cut my food into pieces. This is my plastic fork. Starvation, no eating, don't give a fuck if I cut my mouth teething.

Cut my meal into slices
This is my last clean fork
Suffocation
No brown sauce
Don't give a fuck if I bite my tounge eating

This is my last clean fork

Cut my cake into pieces
I've reached my last big slice
Suffocation
No whipped cream
Don't give a fuck if I rot my teeth eating
Do you even care if I eat everything
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I finished those chips tonight
Chances are dinomite
All the food outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

'cause I'm losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite

I never realized i'd spread too little
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on fruit bars
And hunting in the bin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my stash
No food for myself
And no food for any others
Searching to find chips in a higher cupboard
Finding nothing but questions and revels

'cause I'm losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Vegatables aren't right
But fruit is fine
I'm waddling in search
I'm waddling
I'm waddling
I'm waddling
I'm waddling

I can't go on eating these foods

Cut my turkey into pieces
This is my last clean fork
Suffocation
No gravy
Don't give a fuck if I stabbed my mouth eating
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I finished the milk tonight
Chances are that If i shite
Everyone will be outta sight
And I'm contemplating salad meals

'cause I'm losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Losing my food
Losing the fight
Wish somebody would give me a bite
Veggie's aren't right
Cake will do fine
I'm waddling and crying

I can't go on eating this way
Can't take anymore
Eating this way
But fruit'll do fine

shiiiiiiiiiit

you people know yr avant-rock awright