lapdog advice
 

I much prefer cats, but of course cute animals are hard to deny in general.

Cats make me sneeze. Fuck that!

I don't really like any sort of pet though. Picking up the shit of a lower creature is too degrading for me. I don't mind some of my friends' pets, I just wouldn't want to be held responsible for their existence.

and you don't like sneezing? that's odd.

sneezing is nice

It leaves me momentarily defenseless to predators.

Bastard.

the fact that my father proposed to my pregnant mother over a payphone has nothing to do with it

you don't need to pick up cat shit (not if you have any sort of garden)