| atsonicpark |
12.31.2010 09:16 PM |
Florida is my favorite place in the fucking world. Goddamn... the weather always rocked, though I've only been there 10 times... I am currently in Indiana, there was 2 feet of snow a few weeks ago, but a fucking earthquake yesterday (?!). We have no heat in our house, since our furnace fucked up, our kerosene heater fucked up, and my stepdad and me are usually at work, so my mom is there by herself and she's too lazy to do anything about it, so it's always cold. It's miserable. I have a space heater but my abusive stepdad always yells at me when I have at it on, despite me paying half the bills, and because of child support I got from my dad, various discounts and tax breaks they got because of me, and the 10% discount they get every week when they buy groceries because they are in possession of my discount card (which I've never been able to use).... you'd think they'd let me at least sit in a heated room, but no. My car has no heater. I also work in a freezer. So, for about 3 or 4 months in this winter -- of which we're about halfway through -- I am cold 24/7. It has caused me to stop working on anything and I'm on the computer less thna ever, since the computer is in the middle of the house (I'd move it to my room, but then my mom would be in my room all day, since she's on the computer, on FARMVILLE, every waking moment of ever yday -- she commandeers the phone, the computer, and the television, watching soap operas.. other times, she's zonked out on painpills.. it's a wonder I don't have more of a drug habit). Anyway, I'm desparately looking to get the fuck out of this house, I've been sick more than ever in my life -- I'm sick from other things, which will probably kill me, but I've also been sick, as in having a flu -- since the only existence I know is the cold, currently. I am miserable. I am writing this from my grandpa's cold basement, though this is the warmest I've been in months. Sometimes I get so cold I have to coem in here. My grandpa is really mean to me though. I have enough money in the bank to buy a house, just about, but I don't want to do it alone, honestly... it'd be nice to have someone who will help me move my shit... someone to live with me so I won't be so lonely! My girlfriend -- to her credit, she never.. she refuses, even... to take my money -- is waiting to get a job before we move out together. I'm not going to rush her. I'm patient... still, if I'm at my house another few months I'm going to blow my brains out... my "friend" Booe -- the "art school student" -- actually has it worse than me, he works two jobs and is in school all day, and NEVER eats, and never goes anywhere except work and school, because he's in some awful apartment that is about as big as my apartment. But he won't admit defeat, he pretends to LOVE his house. I asked him to get a place with me and he's like "actually I have this lease" blah blah and he siad he'll be out of art school and he's going to have to get a third job to get by. His own aunt told me that she thinks he's wasting his time and wasting his life, since he has no art talent whatsoever. She's trying to convince him to get a place with me. He could be living here, in a MANSION, for FREE (his mom's house; she lives in New Mexico now). They want to rent the house out to me, for $200 a month, but there's all this shit I need to do.. get the electricity, water, phone, etc turned on, and I've emailed him, his mom, and his aunt, and they all seem to not be able to help me, they're always too busy. I don't think they really wnat to rent it, though it's just SAT THERE, vacant, for about 3 years. They just don't know what to do with it, basically. It's a creepy house, and it's even further away from my job (I live 20 minutes away from my job now -- basically, when there's TWO FEET OF SNOW, as there often is, I can't make it to work, yet they still bitch at me! One boss told me that HE risks his life constantly to make it to work, and everyone else should too! No kidding. A few weeks ago, there was 14 inches of snow, I had to drive 5 miles per hour to make it in, and there wasn't a single costumer all night... but they still didn't close the store, so I "had to" be there. Just insane. They've closed once ever, and that's because the MAYOR made them close!). I don't want to be 45 minutes away from my job. My shitty $500 car barely makes it as it is. Anyway, I've been to Florida at this time of the year and it's amazing.. the air smells soooo good.. I felt so good being there.. don't need drugs or alcohol, the natural atmosphere of Florida makes me happy.. my ex girlfriend of 7 years stole $200 from me, cheated on me, and moved down there, because she said she was really "making something" of herself.. which consisted of her sitting on her ass in her aunt's house for a year, and sewing shitty anime costumes, which allowed her to win 1 contest -- of the hundred she's entered -- where she won one free plane ticket to New York. She really thought she was doing something amazing, but she's in debt out her ears, has 2 credit cards ran up, has absolutely no friends, has pissed off everyone she's ever cared about, and her own family won't visit her. She even emailed me a while back about moving down there with her -- after cheating on me and all, y'know -- so we could get an apartment together. I love Florida, but fuck her! Her college degree has really gotten her far, she's making $9 at a job in a lab where she HAS TO have a degree. She always told me I'd never make anything of myself since I have no college degree. Whatever. I guess I've always had this problem wherein I think everyone else is so much happier than I am. I don't really think that anymore. I think people just project that image via facebook or whatever. All I know is that this year has been the absolute worst of my life, and this winter is the coldest. But it's almost over, guys. I won't be suffering forever.
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