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I'm so sorry!!!!!
I won't give u the he's in a better place routine. I've been there when my momma died. I shed not one tear at her funeral. Like you I felt numb and detatched like it was a really bad dream. I watched her suffer for 6 months with cancer and was actually relieved when she died and I have always felt guilty for that. Death was her release though and I new that even at my naive age. Everyone knew she was going to die including her. It was just a tortorous waiting game. I am really starting to deal with it now 14 years later.
I wish she could have seen me get married and meet my kids. She woulda been the best grandma. She was a good woman, as near to perfect as you can get. She had a strong faith in god and helped everyone around her except herself. Instead of turning me away from god as most young deaths often do to people it made me believe even more and I know she will meet me in heaven one day.(please don't take this as me trying to give you a bible lesson or something, I am not sure of your faith system and am not trying to offend it's just all I know and how I deal) I did not start crying untill about 5 years after she died. I always thought my family was the perfect non divorced happy family, but now I have a step mom step sisters and my daddy aint the man I used to know.
Sorry for the rant I had to stop drawing for a minute. Going on 4 1/2 hours straight now.
Anyway, I will keep you in my prayers and do not beat yrself up for not crying and numbing out it is completely natural. Everyone reacts to this shit in different ways. It's just the brains way of dealing with shock.
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