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Originally Posted by viewtiful alan redux
Maybe a 2... I'm beginning to hate myself.
I feel like I'm too different in too many ways from the average people that surround me... I can't relate to them and they can't relate to me. I can't be myself... I don't even know how and I dont feel like its what anyone wants me to do...
I don't hate other people... I just don't relate to them. I don't really know what I want out of life anymore.. I just feel like I'm doing things just so that there is a chance things could get better eventually..
I don't want to kill myself.. but I don't enjoy living. I have no real passion for anything that matters anymore, I feel neither highs nor lows, just complete blah.
I just want people (who aren't my family) to actually care about me.. and want to be with me.. I want to learn to love myself again.
I don't know why I'm posting this here.. I have to get it out somewhere.
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Be yourself anyways, and take pride in the fact that you aren't like them. Of course, this will lead to you feeling alienated at times...but there will be those that will also be intrigued + want to get to know ya better. Plenty will be inspired.
As far as not knowing how to be yrself, embrace that idea within itself as if you are being yrself by admitting to that very thing. It's OK to be confused about our places as artists or eccentrics in this world. I'm personally always weirded out a bit by those that seem to, or act as if, they have everything figured out.
Not knowing what one wants out of life is OK. What we want often changes anyways. I don't want the same things I wanted a year ago, and damned sure don't want the same things I wanted ten years ago. The 17 year old version of myself would want to kick my ass, this I know. That kid would egg my house and slash my tires.
People make life difficult...shit is, and should be super easy however. Esp. if we embrace it for the chaotic thing it is.
And I could be wrong (I clearly deal with, and have dealt with my own shit)...but whenever I get in these weird ruts I tend to kinda block most others out...spend time with myself, read books I want to read, watch films I enjoy, listen to the music I love on repeat....just remind myself who I am and why I love the things I do.
Good luck.