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Originally Posted by pepper_green
HA! everyone has got to love Sev!! dude is point on and honest.
hey, I was honest too.
I still know nothing of mature relationships( well, yeah I kinda do with all the live-in-girlfriends).
I have lots of success with ex-married cougars who want young guys.. I lost that romantic muse. I don't really care if I don't find someone. being single and random is ok now.
I found my way without finding a way at all. without romance all those years it's like I'm just meditating.
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Yeah, man... I get that. After that girl who really fucked me up, I went on a fucking marathon of insane strange. Wound up getting involved with some genuinely insane women. When that ran its course I stopped having sex for a while. I kinda (not kinda, completely) relapsed near the end with a person who represents my all time low. I then made a deal with myself that I wasn't going to fuck up anyone else's life, and I wasn't going to fuck up my own by dating insane or easy or vindictive people. Also no dumb people. And then I started dating my current girlfriend, who's lovely and smart and good natured and kind. And we have a good thing going. Bonus was I started dating her like a week after "hitting bottom" (no pun intended) so I didn't even have a chance to slip back into my borderline addiction to WRONG, fucked up women.
Real talk though, that girl who broke my heart and dragged it through the dirt... She was actually an amazing person. Not particularly soft or tender, but brilliant and talented. And she broke my heart for a good reason. If I told you what it was you'd think I was trying to be funny. If I told you any more than what I already have, you'd think I was outright lying. So I'll just leave it at this: She was a good girl, and I brought that pain on myself. Did the same with a few other genuinely good girls along the way. I'd love to tell them how sorry I am, but I can't. I can't ever speak to them again. This is how badly I fucked things up.
I actually think this is part of the reason why Kanye's music is so emotional for me. The first song of his that made my heart ache like a Built to Spill tune was "Runaway," and I think it's because... Honestly, all kidding aside, I've been that guy. So when I hear that line ...
"She found pictures in my email, I sent this bitch a picture of my dick, I don't know what it is with females, but I'm not too good at that, see I could have me a good girl and still be addicted to them hood rats, and I just blame everything on you, at least you know that's what I'm good at."
... I get all choked up. I was a hot mess for a long time. Fucked up everything that was good in my life with my selfish decisions and my ego. I like hearing a musician open up about being a total Fucking piece of shit, while also refusing to let that be ALL of what he is.
So I've got a little Kanye in me. In my past. I've been so much better in recent years, but that guilt doesn't ever really fade.
So there's a little window into Severian's perennially tortured soul. Maybe provides a bit of insight into why I fell so hard for Kanye.
Do with that what you will! Also, never pick up women at support groups. NEVER. It should be part of the code of man. You will regret that shit.