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Originally Posted by Dr. Eugene Felikson
I actually recently did quit my job. I was swapping needle bins at a hospital, and pulling about 30k a year doing it, but the banality and general grossness of the job eventually got to me. Also, my mom's dying and I couldn't handle being surrounded by sick people 24/7. It really ate me up inside. I'm empathetic as all get out.
Thought I could go back to school. Realized I was too stressed/depressed to focus on anything. Just stopped going like an idiot.
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Wow, man.
Jesus.
You know, forget everything I’ve said because frankly, if my mother was terminally ill, there would likely be no Severian on this forum, and no way to coax a smile out of me in the day-to-day. You’re making more of an effort than I’d be able to make is what I’m saying. I’ve seen so much death... friends (several close, personal friends), family, my grandmother, who essentially acted as my second parent while growing up because my dad was an absentee manic depressive workaholic alcoholic.
My grandmother was sick from the time I was 5 years old until she passed in a Hpspice facility when I was 30. It ruined me. It was several years ago now, but it made my entire life a slog. Probably factored into my many bad decisions since.
Anyway, this isn’t about me. My mom is in her late-60s, and I know nobody lasts forever, but I still can’t even fathom not having her. If your mother is dying, I genuinely wish you only the best things in life, and I wish happiness and contentment for you and for her.
There’s probably nothing I can do or say to help, but if you ever need anything, pm me.
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Earlier this year, I was all about exercise. I'll probably get back into it. Been smoking Newports again for a while now. Between my mom's deteriorating health, a broken heart, and the loss of another friend. I've been a bit off the wagon lately.
But yeah, exercise and a healthy diet was doing wonders for me. I'm just struggling to find the motivation. The hardest part is just getting to the gym. My lungs sucking ass rn ain't helpin. Time to stop buying cigs.
And yes - to answer your earlier question - I still make videos. Some of the stuff I was making earlier this year was bonkers. I think it was v. pro, Youtube-worthy tbh. Recently made a video of myself eating my own vomit and posted it on Facebook... just ask EVOLghost. Clearly not a sign of my strongest best mental health - shock humor/art excuse or not. The other stuff was great though.
Playing guitar too. Just started. Bought a 7 string. I have trouble focusing. Idk.
I appreciate the support everyone. Don''t like making things all about me. I'm glad this place still exists. Like a nice getaway from the rest of the world tbh. Same as it ever was.
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So, please get thee to a trusted therapist. Please.