Look at this:
Firstly I should say there are a lot of good people in Glasgow. BUT, as there are a lot of people in Glasgow, there are also a LOT of bad people. The bad people in Glasgow seem to make themselves more visible and sometimes it seems like there are only bad people here but that is not really the case. The people you will come across most often are the "Neds". Neds themselves can be categorised into a number of different categories, all of which are described below.
The Common Ned: The common ned, as the name suggests, is the most common type of ned you will come across in Glasgow. This widespread ned will invariably be kitted out in brightly coloured track suits, which serves as a warning to decent folk to stay away, much like the brightly coloured stripes of a wasp. Another trait borrowed from the animal kingdom is the almost perpendicular cap angle, which can be equated to an animals instinctual response to a threat which may include ears pointing upwards, tail erect, or feathers cocked.
To continue the animal analogy, these neds will travel in squads, and feel uncomfortable not doing so. Though, as they are so common, you will see many scattered all over the place, not unlike a plague or rats. Curiously, the Common Ned behaves as if he is amidst a plague of rats: trackies tucked into bright white socks stuffed into dazzlingly colourful trainers. Their squad culture gives them more confidence to harass members of the general public and if you see a troop of neds in the street or in a bus shelter or in a local park you may well become a target for their abuse and you may well hear such phrases uttered as 'you're a pure poofy wee prick' or 'look at the state ay you ya dobber' (a particularly ironic one). These phrases vary greatly and it is rare to hear the same line more than once from the same ned.
The Dressed Ned: It should be mentioned that it is rare to find a common ned over the age of 18. When a common ned gets old enough they will no longer wish to hang about in a bus shelter and they will usually graduate to become a 'Dressed Ned'. These neds can be seen in abundance on a Friday or Saturday night in Glasgow city centre. They will usually be wearing clothes which on average would have come to over 300 pounds, not including the tanning parlour fee. They will attend such lovely places as The Moon night club or perhaps Archaos or Destiny or the Savoy or Victorias or Walkabout (previously I would have mentioned Bonkers but the council got some sense on that front). If you wish to see some of these neds but don't wish to go to any of their places you may find it fruitful to hang around the streets at 3am on a weekend night and watch them fight and bottle each other until the sun comes up. I highly recommend the area at the intersection between Sauchihall street and Renfield street as this is truly scumbag central between 2am and 4am every Friday and Saturday night. It is like a little Bermuda triangle of seriously bad clubs and it's a haven for the dressed ned. Why do they all want to be Gareth Gates?
The Beggar Ned: Glasgow just wouldn't be Glasgow without the good old beggar ned. These neds make a (fairly healthy) living out of simply asking people for money in the street. If you give them the money they ask for they wont sing you a song, they wont do you a dance and they probably wont even thank you. Their request for 20p will usually be accompanied by a heart breaking story, but don't worry because the story isn't actually true. Perhaps if they toned it down a bit and made it more believable people would be fooled more often but then intelligence was never a virtue of the beggar ned. These neds will generally look similar to a common ned but only if you took the common ned and rolled him in some mud for a day or two then urinated on him.