[porkmarras]

 

We've done it again! The Heathen World first found Elvis Presley alive and drunk in the obscure "Shady Frog" trailer park North of Memphis. Now we have the exclusive scoop that Jim Morrison is Alive!! He lives in the San Francisco Heights Mission District mental hospital.

The patient known as "Lizard" revealed that he is Jim Morrison during a recent therapy session. He explained that in the sixties his numerous illigetimate children, drug habits and drug induced impotence led to a nervous breakdown, so he moved to Brazil. He dressed like a transvestite and sold opium in Rio's Red Light district until recently. His therapist, "Wheatgrass", didn't believe him at first. Lizard even exposed himself and babbled about Governor Reagan's evil anti hippie politics, but Wheatgrass remained doubtful.
Lizard's hospital records describe him as "..a manic depressive, drooling patient with a habit of gobbling handfuls of drugs and exposing himself before puking and passing out. He is usually harmless. He has been caught on numerous occasions trying to smoke banana peels, lint, and assorted trash in homemade marijuana pipes. He seems to worship MTV and the Aldus Huxley novel "Doors of Perception." Wheatgrass, a former flower child who once saw the Doors at the Filmore West, remained unconvinced about her famous patient's identity until the ward's karaoke night last week. After hearing Lizard scream out his hit "L.A. Woman" over the music of "Born to Be Wild", Wheatgrass dropped her joint, and knew in her heart that her patient Lizard is actually Jim Morrison! It was a cosmic and groovy shock to see the former rock star alive! Wheatgrass was blown away by the heavy reality trip. She immediately called the Heathen World and sold us the story for thousands of dollars because of our renown journalistic integrity.
Lizard laid this song onto Wheatgrass as a Summer Solstice present. The Age of Aquarius has faded, but here it is.. the first song written by Jim Morrison in over 25 years!