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Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel
There's nothin Nietzche couldn't teach ya 'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed
John Stuart Mill of his own free will
On a half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato they say could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey everyday
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descarte was a drunken fart
I drink therefore I am
Yes Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed.
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