People call me "cracker," but I will run for President and do a cracker-jack job of it, so I reckon they got a point somewhere's about it too. This here's my interview.
This man inside the picture asking the things of me ain't 'bove ground anymore, but weren't none of my doings.
Q : Mr. Childers, what sort of an Imperial President will you be?
A : Huh? Imperial President? I reckon I'll just be a regular President.
Q : That is refreshing. Are you saying you will dismantle the Republicrat Empire?
A : That's why I'm running for President. I've read the Bible and some history books. What they've been doing ain't right too much.
Q : Would you support the PNAC's New World Order?
A : I don't reckon I know much about all that. Fair-to-Midland or thereabouts, I suppose.
Q : What do you plan to do about the coming economic collapse?
A : A fella that's been helping me from the State Nervous Hospital says we got to get rid of that Federal Reserve Man. But I think every man oughta have a job that pays enough. There will be mustard and biscuits on every table if I get elected.
Q : Do you support a minimum wage?
A : I reckon a man's wage oughta be as much as he's worth but not too small mmm hmmm.
Q : Many people believe America has become a police state. How would you handle the crime problem?
A : People shouldn't be doing bad things. I feel pretty strongly about that, mmm hmmm.
Q : What about the so-called drug problem?
A : I think if there is a drug problem, people oughta switch pills.
Q : Should drugs be legalized?
A : Mmmmm Hmmm, that would be good.
Q : Where do you stand on gun control?
A : I believe a man should be able to shoot straight.
Q : What is your education policy?
A : Kids oughta go to school and read books.
Q : Do you favor increasing teachers' wages?
A : Mmmm hmmm. Teachers should make good money. I reckon they are worth twice what I get fixing lawnmowers.
Q : Did you go to school to learn lawnmower repair?
A : I was brought up in a tool shed and I learned it on my own.
Q : I see. Self-reliance is an important leadership quality. It's clear that you are interested in children's issues. What will you do to insure that that poor children receive adequate health care?
A : Well, their parents should take them over to the doctor's if they get sick.
It's been a pleasure to sit down with you, thank you, Mr. Childers.