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once in a while i have a day or a few , totally out of the blue , where everythign i encounter seems so totally relevant to the themes rolling around in my head in the time surrounding...once ive begun to notice patterns emerging and seeing the relevance of everythign to eachother , then all is connected . the encounters themselves and the little things rolling around in my head become big slaps and punches to my psyche...much more seems significant and worth my attention . im saying that whenever the world looks like it has some sort of order to it when ive been used to being lost in chaos , i feel connected to the world and myself more so and that gives me meaning . from there, what my goal is to keep making little goals here and there according to whatever patterns and themes im recognizing in what basically becomes my own private myth of a life . myth is a fancy word - i dont have a fancy life . im quite boring . but sometimes theres a spark .
its not like every day is like this . im often pathetically despondent . but then ill have a stretch of time like this and its like a whole recharge and reset on the mind . everything has a cycle .
also , i think its silly to say to go out and meet people to a person that is usually depressed . being with company just for the sake of having people around is crap . coming across the RIGHT person/people at the RIGHT time however can be wonderful..........but you have to kinda be open to that , and probably should at least leave the house once or twice for it to occur =P
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