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Originally Posted by swa(y)
you just realized this? seriously? of course no one really ever really "knows" you, if only because they arent you, but they can have a pretty strong concept of you...wether its a valid concept or not. they can like, love, hate whatever that concept is they have of you. they can love/hate whatever it is they percieve you as.
its just like, no one really knows what it would be like to be someone else...we can only have ideas.
do you think you know yrself? you might...i certainly dont know myself, at all. i have an idea as to where i stand on certain things, but even those stances change from time to time. i like to think of myself as SOMETHING else constantly shaping this walking talking screaming shitting eating thing called swa(y). its not exactly like that...but why the hell not look at it that way? it works for me.
my mom has always said that im my biggest critique. probally true. sometimes i hate what i see, other times i totally love it. and whats odd is i want BOTH man, just depends. sometimes i wanna look negatively at myself. remind myself that im being an asshole and to stand back for awhile and learn to enjoy my own company again and try and figure out why ive been an asshole to other people or whatever it is ive been doing, and yeah, sometimes i love myself...big time.
just depends.
and ive never really cared about, atleast in my real life, trying to publically express myself to get anyone to undrestand anything..well okaye...maybe i have...BUT BUT BUT, ive always been far more interested in getting people to THINK about shit. maybe theyll come up with something as a result of something ive done or said thats totally unrelated to to whatever idea it was i THOUGHT i was trying to express...but still ends up being something interesting enough to talk about or try and figure out or whatever.
i try, often time fail, but try and not hate anyone too much for whatever idea it is i have about them. ive met racist, druggies, border line whores, homophobes...some of which ive actually liked. i mean, why not? sometimes i say things, or do things that i might not necessarily agree with just to get a reaction out of folks, or to get them to think about shit they might not normally want to, or even think about considering. for all i know, the forementioned types of people may be doing the same shit, and four years from now could be totally different sorts of people...or...atleast ill perceive em completely differently. also met several punk rock kids, obviously intelligent sorts, sonic youth fans, dirt road scholars/philosophers that ive flt like i completely hated. atleast at whatever given moment in time our paths have crossed. ya know, people id normally be associated with, or people would assume that id get along with really well. i dont know. i like people that attempt being something or saying something worthwile far more than i do those that are doing or saying something worthwhile cause have the time its just in the latter groups nature to be as such, to where the former feels the constant need to reinvent themselves. to see something that isnt there in the minds of others and try and manipulate it.
changing minds is always a fucking powerful thing. even if someone changes someones elsees mind to something they unintended to change it to.
its almost scarey.
we're equally super fragile and super powerful creatures.
this was somewhat unrealted to what yr getting at, or atleast what i think yr getting at julian, but maybe ya get what im trying to say...if not thats cool.
i just hope i dont ever figure "it" out. not knowing is so much more beautiful a thing, in my opinion.
stay free dude....
-s.
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