[Alex's Trip]

Lately I've been feeling really fucking lonely. I can't stand it. It's become overwhelming. I'm missing out on a lot in life, namely a relationship. I know that when I get older things will get better, but in order for that to happen I'll have to leave for a bigger city, leave all the people I know, and start over. And that just makes all the friendships that I have now seem pointless, and I end up being more detached from everyone, my family especially. Being in the closet for so long really has put a lot of space between me and my family. I hardly think of them as family members that I love unconditionally (except for my little sister), but as people that I have to live with, and as a result I judge them in a way that I don't think children normally judge their parents. I just...I don't like who they are. I don't want to be around them. I don't think I could ever tell them these things because of how hurt they might be.

I don't even know what I want anymore. Do I want to find someone that I can care about? Do I want to get away from my family? I have lots of love to give, I just don't know where to put it.

I'm not asking any questions or anything, and I usually don't like posting all this emotional shit on message boards, but I can't sleep tonight.