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if you are named Carson, Eli, or Peyton you have a father who want you to play NFL football
if you are named Stump, Cooter, Zed, Jedidiah, or have Bob as your second name there is a chance you have so called "southern pure-blood" hee-yuk
if you are named Apple, Moon Unit, or Jermajesty you're gonna have to learn to throw bricks at photogs and wish you were born to a plumber
if you are named Kip, then not all the drugs in the world can numb the embarrassment and might as well have been named Cunt
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