Sonic Youth Gossip - View Single Post - i'm drunk and lets talk about exes that you can't get over

ithinkimissyou · 07.07.2008, 04:01 PM

My name should give away that I went through a phase of not being able to get over an ex ladyfriend type (and that I'm a fan of a certain Irish band, but hey..)

Anyway.

In my experience, time helps but it also causes causes a lot of the anger and bitterness to fade, leaving you wondering why the fuck you split up in the first place. So if you haven't got another person in your life, inevitably you wind up pining for what/who you once had cause all the bad things that happened now seem trite and meaningless.

At this point, it's worthwhile pointing out some sagely advice I got a few years back, which I stupidly ignored. Don't make the same mistake:

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else

I ignored that advice. Cue a 5 year merry go round, where I'd hook up with my ex girlfriend (generally during the spring/summer), we'd have a hopelessly romantic and brilliant time, until Autumn arrived and she'd gradually get bored of me and either by accident or design, start an argument, or do something which really pissed me off.

So we'd break up, not talk, sometimes for 6 months or more. Till the next year, a text or phonecall, or call to the doorstep would come out of the blue. And next thing you know we're on a train to the atlantic coast having a great time... Till autumn.

Stir and repeat.

Well, eventually, gradually, this cycle became clear to me. And then there was a final period of bullshit, were we ultimately ended, I'd had enough. That'll be two years ago this year. We haven't talked in all that time, but we ran into each other about two months ago and had one of those horrible "how are you/i am good" conversations. My brain was utterly blank.

There's a lot of things she did over the years which really fucking infuriated me, but seeing her after all that time, none of them were on my mind. Ever have one of those times were you construct this brilliant thorough speech in your head, with the aim of delivering it to your ex, which perfectly surmises your feelings? If so forget it. It's meaningless once you lay eyes on them.

At the same time though.. the love and passion was gone.

I should have known early on it was never going to work out, but I stuck at it, hoping it would. Until eventually I reached the point were I was just sticking at it out of stubborness; the feelings I'd had were gone.

So my advice: Don't keep torturing yourself with this ex, if it didn't work out the first time, there's a good chance it'll never work out. If you must persue her, to try one last time, do. If she doesn't appear interested; give up. If she is but it doesn't ultimately work out, give up, move on. Life is too short to dedicate time to a relationship that will in all likelyhood never function properly. And besides at that point any sane persons belief in the long term viability of the relationship should be shot.

Go out, have a life, meet new people. It's fun.

07.07.2008, 04:01 PM	#51
ithinkimissyou stalker Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 421	My name should give away that I went through a phase of not being able to get over an ex ladyfriend type (and that I'm a fan of a certain Irish band, but hey..) Anyway. In my experience, time helps but it also causes causes a lot of the anger and bitterness to fade, leaving you wondering why the fuck you split up in the first place. So if you haven't got another person in your life, inevitably you wind up pining for what/who you once had cause all the bad things that happened now seem trite and meaningless. At this point, it's worthwhile pointing out some sagely advice I got a few years back, which I stupidly ignored. Don't make the same mistake: The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else I ignored that advice. Cue a 5 year merry go round, where I'd hook up with my ex girlfriend (generally during the spring/summer), we'd have a hopelessly romantic and brilliant time, until Autumn arrived and she'd gradually get bored of me and either by accident or design, start an argument, or do something which really pissed me off. So we'd break up, not talk, sometimes for 6 months or more. Till the next year, a text or phonecall, or call to the doorstep would come out of the blue. And next thing you know we're on a train to the atlantic coast having a great time... Till autumn. Stir and repeat. Well, eventually, gradually, this cycle became clear to me. And then there was a final period of bullshit, were we ultimately ended, I'd had enough. That'll be two years ago this year. We haven't talked in all that time, but we ran into each other about two months ago and had one of those horrible "how are you/i am good" conversations. My brain was utterly blank. There's a lot of things she did over the years which really fucking infuriated me, but seeing her after all that time, none of them were on my mind. Ever have one of those times were you construct this brilliant thorough speech in your head, with the aim of delivering it to your ex, which perfectly surmises your feelings? If so forget it. It's meaningless once you lay eyes on them. At the same time though.. the love and passion was gone. I should have known early on it was never going to work out, but I stuck at it, hoping it would. Until eventually I reached the point were I was just sticking at it out of stubborness; the feelings I'd had were gone. So my advice: Don't keep torturing yourself with this ex, if it didn't work out the first time, there's a good chance it'll never work out. If you must persue her, to try one last time, do. If she doesn't appear interested; give up. If she is but it doesn't ultimately work out, give up, move on. Life is too short to dedicate time to a relationship that will in all likelyhood never function properly. And besides at that point any sane persons belief in the long term viability of the relationship should be shot. Go out, have a life, meet new people. It's fun. __________________ moo.
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