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Yeah, I'll quite the pacifist, non-violent type - but it's anecdotes like this that make me think what's required is a nice, crisp slap across the face.
It doesn't really work though - I'd imagine it would feel really good for a few moments, but then you would feel really guilty when the person started bawling their eyes out....
Anyways - Happy Birthday and I predict you'll probably still have to deal with this kind of shit until yr early 20s. After that, you go from dealing with teenage drama queens to all-grown-up-but-still-without-a-clue drama queens. That's showbiz...
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