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DAVID LETTERMAN'S TOP TEN REASONS JOHNNY CARSON DIED
10. Remember some-odd years back when he gave his time slot to Jay Leno? Who gives a fuck whether you do or not - I'm the one who got screwed out of my dream job by a giant pile of dogshit with a chin
9. I poisoned him in such a way that it would look to doctors like emphysema
8. Jay Leno sucked his dick so hard, his brain finally squirted out the end
7. Fake golf swings cause AIDS.
6. So he'd finally have a bunch of old bags from 1942 to think he was funny again.
5. Potato chip was radioactive.
4. Hell was tired of waiting for Jeff Altman
3. Karma for the twenty years of insults that drove Ed McMahon into serial killing
2. His bad habit of enjoying a nice cigarette after fucking little kids
And the number one reason Johnny Carson died: 1. He's been obsolete since I took his place as the most boring, worthless, past-his-prime talk show host alive
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