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they suck.
Anyway:
just wanted to thank this ungrateful but so adorably candid teenie-bopper for opening my eyes with her insouciant snark: What can I say? I was blinded by my love for the showbiz life. Ever since Heart Condition, I'd been looking for a project to do with Denzel; and Tom and I have been developing a feature film of Manimal for some time now, so I figured, what the hey? Tomorrow's Variety will reveal my announcement that I am withdrawing from The Matarese Circle (which shall instead be directed by the highly capable Philip Noyce) in favor of a personal project that shall return me to my classical auteurist path:
It's called The Surgery Liturgies:
All characters shall be portrayed by a new form of puppetry developed by the geniuses of KNB.
The puppets in question represent a bold innovation in "FX" technology: while I shall save some of the magic for the inevitable Cinefex article and DVD commentaries, I will reveal that all of the main characters shall be portrayed by exposed stumps of amputees and, in one case, a highly expressive neck goiter--all with faces painted on them (seriously, you'd SWEAR they was peoples!) Oh, and full frontal Michael Ironside. (With a special IMAX sequence of him eating corn on the cob!)
The story is my own blending of the later short stories of JG Ballard, Nabokov's "Pale Fire", and a history of the invention of the I.U.D. that I read on a series of sugar packets.
That said, I must thank the passionate, passionate voices that have risen here in my much-needed defense (kudos to you on your sense of humor and sense of proportion, my friends, kudos to you!)
And to the purveyors of DreadCentral (which is second only to preciousmoments.com in my most visited Bookmarks):
Please don't ever, ever, ever publish this sort of hateful, humorless screed again--It ill serves your legacy of high-minded criticism (perhaps best exemplified by Susan Sontag's much-anthologized meditation on Howling III: The Marsupials). Noone comes to a horror movie site for frivolity, after all.
P.S. Coming in 2012: David Cronenberg's Legally Blonde 3: The Blonde Leading The Blonde (Guess who's a judge now? That's right, and now that she wields the gavel, the legal system won't know what hit it!)
That's right! I AM KING OF THE A-LIST! KIIIIIINNNGGG!
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