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First I want to say it means a lot for you to come here and be able to express yourself honestly in making this thread. You didnt come off as whiny in the slightest, even being so bold as to say you might kill yourself, you explained your feelings very well I think.
And I can relate. I wish I could offer advice like many good folks have. There are things I want to believe in and know would help, like consistent exercise and good eating, proper nutrient balance, refining hobbies and keeping things active in your life (all things affect the others, even in ways you wouldnt suspect.)
But I cant. I'm at the point, myself, where for the past 6 months or so I havent even really been able to listen to music. Its lately that I've realized that this depression has been different from others because at least in the past, music is the one thing I've always been able to find enjoyment from. Not this time. I have absolutely no motivation to try the things I mentioned above, becuase I feel like I have tried and quit them so many times, that I just dont see the point anymore, because by now its like I'm just going backwards. The spark of hope I would hold every time I get up and try again is not returning. Any time I try something new now, I just get anxious and unfocussed, and I quit.
I actually feel kind of bad for posting this.
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