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The bleeding turtle makes my heart hurt, quite a bit. I cant deal with animals being hurt.
When I was 5 or so, I got frustrated at a big toy truck and bashed it against the ground. I felt so guilty, I cradled it in my arms the rest of the day.
Around the same time, my mom brought home this ugly knitted red doll, which I rejected. Again, I felt awful for it so later I rummaged around for it and treasured it.
A few years later, I won a football as some random prize, and I was utterly pissed. ANYTHING, but a fuckin' football. But, I felt so guilty for rejecting it that I ended up cradling it as I slept for weeks.
I tried to kill my younger brother in different ways when I was young and I dont feel bad for it, more confused as to why I didnt/dont. Same with any relationship where I dont meet someones expectations/let them down/turn away. I think that I should feel bad, but I dont. Just wrong for not having a more appropriate response to their pain.
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