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I'm under the impression that a hallmark of Asperger's is a lack of a "filter," so to speak, and inability to pick up on subtleties (tone, body language, etc.) resulting in saying a lot of inappropriate things.
Most of the stuff you listed--it just sounds like you're smart in the brains.
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"When a hurricane damaged my father's house, my brother rushed over with a gas grill, three coolers of beer, and an enormous Fuck-It Bucket - a plastic pail filled with jawbreakers and bite-size candy bars. ('When shit brings you, just say 'fuck it,' and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.')"
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