It’s a good question: why not Corey Feldman? I really don’t have a good answer. Jesus, just look at that smug squint. Death becomes him.
How about both of them? I’m sure neither of them wants to be alone. We can work at this. I’ve got my eulogy ready: “Corey Feldman - yeah, well, you know.”
Also, Widow Feldman, call me when the grieving period is done. I’ll delivery another eulogy, if you know what I mean. Oh, that’s a terrible analogy, isn’t it? Not exactly romantic either. What I meant to say involved sex. You figured prominently. I can participate or just watch. Seriously, just figure it out for yourself, but make sure I’m at least present.
But still, why? Why Corey Haim? Why not Corey Perry?
Because he won GOLD at the Olympics, World Juniors Gold and a Stanley Cup, that’s why! What the fuck has Corey Haim done in the last few years besides apparently win a few pie-eating contests?