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#1 |
stalker
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Braniewo, Poland
Posts: 482
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I'm humbly asking you if you could help me with my written assigment. I want to know if it is good or not and how can it be improved in terms of grammar structures, expressions and vocabulary. Thanks in advance.
Here's the text: Braniewo is a town located in Northeastern Poland in Warmia-Mazury voivodship near the Russian border. It is a rather small town with a population of 18 thousand people. There is also a river running through the town called Pasleka. Consisting mostly of blocks of flats majority of which was built in the 1960’s and 70’s the town looks very unpleasant and boring. There is not much entertainment to find. There is no theatre and both cinemas were closed a long time ago, although they had been prospering pretty well. Only pubs and internet cafes are to find here. There is also few historical monuments and the only one worth mentioning is gothic cathedral on Gdanska street. Braniewo has a very high unemployment rate. Because of that many young people are constantly moving out from here in search of work and in result the population of the town is getting older and older. Had many companies such as Elbrewery not been closed there would be more workplaces. Braniewo is a rather boring and quiet town where not much happens. If the authorities had done something in order to develop cultural and sports venues this town would be a better place to live. But unfortunately due to lack of entertainment and work it is a place where you would not want to live.
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#2 | |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 12,664
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Initial reading: "18,000 people" or "eighteen-thousand"; "Consisting mostly of blocks of flats, the majority of which were built..."; "...here in search of work and, as a result, the population..."; "If the authorities had done something in order to develop cultural and sports venues, this town...".
But generally these are more stylistic changes than grammatical ones. I'll check back later with my thorough proof-reading hat on. You don't have anything major to worry about, I know plenty of native-English speakers who don't write half as well as you.
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#3 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: mars attacks
Posts: 42,536
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There is also a river running through the town called Pasleka.
Sounds like Pasleka is the town, not the river. A couple of options: "The river Pasleka runs through the town" "There is also a river, the Pasleka, that runs through the town" There is not much entertainment to find "to be found" would be the correct way to say that. i like the passive voice; however, americans tend to dislike it as if it was a crime-- i don't think that's a case with the british though. |
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#4 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Montreal
Posts: 5,807
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Remember to use commas to seperate two main clauses.
If the authorities had done something in order to develop cultural and sports venues, this town would be a better place to live. But unfortunately due to lack of entertainment and work, it is a place where you would not want to live. |
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#5 |
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 4,289
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"There are also few historical monuments..."
"...worth mentioning is the gothic cathedral..." (unless it's a name, but then it would be "Gothic Cathedral" with capitals) edit: i was also thinking: "had...not been closed there would be more workplaces" is maybe "had...not been closed there would have been more workplaces"? (because you're talking about a hypothetical situation... i'm not a native english speaker myself either though, so don't believe what i'm saying if nobody agrees with me) same with "would be a better place to live." ("would have been a better place to live."?) |
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#6 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Missouri, land of the free and home of the brave
Posts: 2,351
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I do know that my English teachers have always dissuaded me from beginning sentences with the phrase "There is/are..."
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