[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

jesus, its back


A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.
But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.
Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).
If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.
Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.
And if there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.
Gonna wait it out.

 

damn you jonah, maybe we should have just stayed in that fish's belly ;(

...

[floatingslowly]

you should lay off The Smiths for a couple weeks.

try something violent instead.

that always seems to help me.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by floatingslowly

you should lay off The Smiths for a couple weeks.

try something violent instead.

that always seems to help me.

I don't EVER listen to the Smiths. I just need to keep my shit together I suppose, but its hard to let shit out sometimes, I don't feel I can talk about these things with other people sometimes because I don't want to affect the way the see me after the fact.. I can't talk to my priest about this, I'm the sunday school teacher. I can't talk to my church folk about this, they might think I'm all doom and gloom.. I can't talk to my friends about this, they are all too too busy with all the shit they have going on that I would not want to spoil the rare opportunities we have together..I can't talk to my sister who I live alone with, because she probably already noticed and is not exactly a therapist.. I don't trust therapists, they do not understand my situation, they would dismiss my whole existence as fantasy, the God I live for as an illusory dream and even if I found, say an Orthodox Christian one who does understand, I have no $$$ for that shit.. essentially in this mess of my own mind I have no one. so I bring it to you all, who have a semblance of anonymity which is comforting in and of itself.. thank you all for that in advance

divided right in two..

[floatingslowly]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

they might think I'm all doom and gloom..

and what's wrong with that?

I feel that doom and gloom are very valid emotional responses to the world.

bask in their dark glow!

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by floatingslowly

and what's wrong with that?

I feel that doom and gloom are very valid emotional responses to the world.

bask in their dark glow!

yes, agreed, but I have developed quite the opposite outside image over the years.. people come to me with their shit because they believe I can lighten up their day, and generally I can, but sometimes I'm in the same mess.

then I got "fired" this morning from the Homeless Ministry I have been working with this , which has been greatly fulfulling my very soul.. this was a low blow, how the fuck does a christian get fired from a ministry? I didn't do anything wrong to anyone, they just said they didn't have room for me, which as I know from working there, is utter bullshit.

but I don't judge them, they are like Pilate, nothing could be given to anyone unless it is from above, so it is not them to blame, and blaming God is petty, so there is no one left to blame but myself.

"No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication"

[floatingslowly]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

then I got "fired" this morning from the Homeless Ministry I have been working with this , which has been greatly fulfulling my very soul..

hmm....well....yeah... that sucks.

I've heard that a lot of charitable organizations are suffering right now. not only are donations down, but quite a few non-profit trusts saw their funds evaporate with Bernie Made-off.

maybe they really didn't have the budgetary means? have they said whether or not you can come back if things get better?

perhaps it's even for the best. maybe this will spur you into getting a job that will pay for grad school.

buck up, lil' camper.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by floatingslowly

hmm....well....yeah... that sucks.

I've heard that a lot of charitable organizations are suffering right now. not only are donations down, but quite a few non-profit trusts saw their funds evaporate with Bernie Made-off.

maybe they really didn't have the budgetary means? have they said whether or not you can come back if things get better?

perhaps it's even for the best. maybe this will spur you into getting a job that will pay for grad school.

buck up, lil' camper.

I volunteer with this group, we feed and counsel people on skid row, it was wonderful while it lasted. they have plenty of money, and nobody paid me shit, nor was it necessary, hence me saying its bullshit to let me go. but whatever..
yeah I know inevitably I have to get job with many more hours, but in the meantime feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the aged and the infants, visiting the sick and those in prison, this is true christianity, this is true Rasafari, as Bunny Wailer said, "This is what the Fyah burns for!"

[demonrail666]

It sounds like you've taken on a role amongst your friends and associates as someone they come to for help and advice, while you have nobody you can turn to for the same. Whatever you may think of them, I think you'd really benefit from speaking to a good therapist. They won't judge you on your faith (although they'll obviously ask you about your relationship to it - but not your actual beliefs). You need someone who can listen to you without judging you and they're probably the best qualified for that.

I hope things sort themselves out.

[floatingslowly]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

they have plenty of money, and nobody paid me shit, nor was it necessary, hence me saying its bullshit to let me go. but whatever..

that doesn't make much sense then.

why the fuck would anybody deny volunteer help when there's so much work left to do?

is there something yr not telling us?

did you take yr chalice to work with you or did they just not like you very much??

I'd offer you a volunteer position (read: no pay), but I'm afraid that the work wouldn't be near as morally gratifying.

can you code vaginorectal fistulas?

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to floatingslowly again.

Originally Posted by demonrail666

It sounds like you've taken on a role amongst your friends and associates as someone they come to for help and advice, while you have nobody you can turn to for the same. Whatever you may think of them, I think you'd really benefit from speaking to a good therapist. They won't judge you on your faith (although they'll obviously ask you about your relationship to it - but not your actual beliefs). You need someone who can listen to you without judging you and they're probably the best qualified for that.

I hope things sort themselves out.

much thanks for the considerations..

One of my main issues with a therapist is a) no duckets, b) I call these states melancholy because they are intense as depression, but far more temporary. they last for maybe 2-3 days at at time, perhaps once every two or three months.. so a therapist is not very convenient.. by the time i could even get something arranged, I've cheered up quite a bit. I think the best thing for me and anyone to dwell on is that the universe is not fucking with anyone personally, that life is simply a series of events to experience, good bad and in between, and the joy of livity is to embrace the rollercoaster.. after all how could you know what up is if you've never been down? I have a joke for folks which says you've never lived before until seriously wanted to kill yourself, though I haven't been that hard up in years.

Originally Posted by floatingslowly

that doesn't make much sense then.

why the fuck would anybody deny volunteer help when there's so much work left to do?

is there something yr not telling us?

did you take yr chalice to work with you or did they just not like you very much??

I'd offer you a volunteer position (read: no pay), but I'm afraid that the work wouldn't be near as morally gratifying.

can you code vaginorectal fistulas?

I don't know what the score was with that, but today I went up there and hustled my way into another volunteer program, a mobile food bank where we go out and distribute groceries to poor communities around town, but its not as enjoyable for me as the first. Everything works out as it should in time, the trouble with it is developing the right kind of patience to endure for the long haul..

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by floatingslowly

you should lay off The Smiths for a couple weeks.

whatever, moz does not exaggerate. He simply speaks the truth.


suchfriends, do you want $5?

or a hug?

[Sonic Youth 37]

My favorite song for the 2nd disc is "X.Y.U."