![]() |
#1 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: atari
Posts: 2,228
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
in the grocery store the other day, by the fresh vegetables a woman was reaching for a cucumber when the sprinklers came on. she says to her friend,
"ah! i hate it when that happens!" "what's wrong?" "it got me all wet!" "it's just water - it's not going to kill you." [mock seductively] "yeah - but it gets me all wet."
__________________
![]() |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#2 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: psycho battery
Posts: 12,161
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
girl in hyde park leeds to another girl:
'i think they are all gorgous' 'what all of them'? 'yes and i am going to have them all' 'you cant have all of them' 'yes i can, i am only in the first year' 'yeh but you cant sleep with the whole football team' 'yeh i can! have you seen them all'?
__________________
Sarcasm[A] is stating the opposite of an intended meaning especially in order to sneeringly, slyly, jest or mock a person, situation or thing |@ <------- Euphoric brain cell just moments before expiration V _ \ / _ PING <-------- moments later / \ http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljhxq...isruo1_500.gif |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#3 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 28,843
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
I already replied to this same thread on the noise board but I'll paste it here.
Last night, I heard this fat black chick going, "WELL, MY PROBATION OFFICER DIDN'T CARE!" I work in a grocery store so as you can imagine I hear all kinds of scummy things... One of my favorites was this total weirdo Charles Manson looking dude coming in at 4 AM and asking me if we have any anhydrous ammonia.. I said "no" and he stared at me, wordless, for about a minute.. and walked off... Also, a few months back, I saw a chick stuffing a full loaf of bread down her sweatpants... One of the weirder things that has happened recently was a customer came over and starting working with me, he put up a few of my boxes of stuff (I work in the frozen foods area) and then walked by me and I noticed he had done that and was like, "uh.. thanks man..?!" (you know, because it doesn't really make sense for a customer to do my work for me) And he turned around, gave me this cool, like, gun-shaped finger-point at me and went, "No prob!" and then made a *click* sound from his gun-shaped finger.. if you know what I mean. The fuck. One time, I heard a chick saying into her cellphone, "Well, maybe you should go shoot her face then!" I always wondered if she was talking about cum, a gun, or a camera being shot.. Uh.. that's all I can think of right now. |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#4 | |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 12,664
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
"No, no, on the computer. Yes. Windows on the computer. No, not the actual window... Windows is the name of the programme on the computer..."
I stopped listening then.
__________________
Message boards are the last vestige of the spent masturbator, still intent on wasting time in some neg-heroic fashion. Be damned all who sail here. Quote:
|
|
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#5 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: In the land of the Instigator
Posts: 27,951
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
me on the phone with an idiot
"OK, just make sure to turn your monitor off" (them) "Monitor?" "Yes, the monitor. Make sure it is turned off, the on/off button is on the lower right." "ooooooohhh-kay....the monitor under my desk right?" "No. The monitor, the 'TV' that is your computer screen." "I don't have a TV Roberto!" "OK, I'll be right there." stupid shit like this Happens WAY TOO OFTEN
__________________
RXTT's Intellectual Journey - my new blog where I talk about all the books I read. |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#6 |
expwy. to yr skull
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Englewood, NJ
Posts: 1,247
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
"Who threw that ham at me?"
here's a website dedicated to overheard conversations: http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
__________________
-Franky ![]() Don't let yer meat loaf. |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#7 |
Posts: n/a
|
''Hello, ..... reservations, can i help?''
''Yes, ermmmmmmm, I would like to book a table for 2 people in the ......... for the 12th of July, ermmmmm, let me check the date, one moment.'' ''No problem.'' ''Yes, it's the 12th of July for 2 people.'' ''Sure, what time would you like the table for?'' ''Ermmm, the play I think starts at 7:30 pm, so what do you suggest?'' '' I'd say 6:00 pm, it's the popular time slot for people who watch the plays that start at 7:30 pm.'' ''That's fine.'' ''It'll be one moment, please.'' ''Thanks.'' ''Right, so that's 2 people at 6:00 pm on the 12th of July in the ........'' ''Thanks.'' ''Thank you and we'll see you then.'' ''Bye.'' ''Goodbye.'' |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#8 | |
expwy. to yr skull
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Englewood, NJ
Posts: 1,247
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Quote:
Hmm - perhaps I don't get it.
__________________
-Franky ![]() Don't let yer meat loaf. |
|
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#9 | |
Posts: n/a
|
Quote:
I cut out the name of the place I'm taking the booking for. Duh! |
|
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#10 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: england
Posts: 5,580
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
"so he put out these tattoo videos, for people to like, tattoo themselves at home"
"yeah" "i think he was just a junkie looking for his next fix" "ha ha ha ha, did you learn anything" "naaa, but the vietnamese kids in the demonstrations certainly did" "yuck" "yeah, i know" "is that hurting" "no, its not too bad" "you know a tattoo on your ribs is going to hurt a lot too, maybe not as much as this" "hmmmmmmmmmmmm" |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#11 | |
expwy. to yr skull
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Englewood, NJ
Posts: 1,247
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Quote:
Your conversation ain't funny. DUH!
__________________
-Franky ![]() Don't let yer meat loaf. |
|
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#12 | |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: in yr fotobukit
Posts: 6,588
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Quote:
|
|
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#13 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: atari
Posts: 2,228
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
a drunken Princeton alum stumbling to his car from a renunion on campus with the help of his wife -
"Our kids are NOT going here."
__________________
![]() |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#14 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: mars attacks
Posts: 42,537
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
MY BARTENDER WAS ON METH TODAY
she denied me drink and i had to speak to the manager she was a worn-out truckdrivers wife she was likely on meth but i am incapable of providing soundtrack |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#15 |
100%
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 770
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
"I've been here less than 24 hours and I've already gotten off with a Deptford special"
__________________
I think if kissing someone could make them pregnant
the last person I kissed would have had their kid by now... |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#16 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: No. 10
Posts: 3,289
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
I once heard a middle aged man in a suit on the phone saying "Do you remember Mrs (I can't remember the name now)? She had an organ in her back room."
I don't think he realised the sexual innuendo. |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#17 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 8,095
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
"oh my god it's EVERYWHERE"
|
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#18 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Near Paris, France
Posts: 3,762
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#19 |
invito al cielo
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 5,433
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Man on the phone, working at a store I was in:
"Just send me the papers or I'm going to get really fucking mad. I'm fucking sick of this, I just want you to send the god damn papers." Kid I know, talking to some other kid: Yeah I used to live on the street, I had a big problem with crack." (That is pure bull by the way...) My teacher: "Hey it's me, I'm not feeling well so I wont be coming in today... HAHAHA! Yeah, I'm just kidding. HAHAHA! So do you have any news?"
__________________
|
![]() |
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |
![]() |
#20 | |
Posts: n/a
|
Quote:
Who gives a shit. It wasn't meant to be. DUH DUH! |
|
|QUOTE AND REPLY| |