[phoenix]

to break up with someone?

noted, my decisions on my personal life do not lie in the hands of sonic youth community board members.

Its more of a D&M conversation that I just can't have with anyone right now, about a person that none of the friends I used to have would ever want to talk about in the first place. So Im having the talk here. No, right now I dont really have any friends to share it with. The only person close to me whom I have any real closeness to, is feeling less and less like the person I want to be around for.. always.


how many times do you keep trying?

how many times do you think.. no really.. Im done... and then wake up and it's alright, for a while... and repeat.?

how many times do you "breakup" before you actually stop breaking up and just leave?

How long do you.. let yourself feel sad and pushed down and act so unlike what is true to your heart and soul and personality, just so you don't make waves?

meh.

[MellySingsDoom]

Oh crap - breaking up and finishing a relationship has never been a wildly pleasant affair in my experience. I've tried in certain situations to make something work, because a part of me still wants to be with that person the way that I used to experience them & feel about them in the better times. I also end of denying the reality of the situation, in that the relationship is no longer working or going anywhere, until I finally have to man up and deal with it. My heart and feelings may be in the "right" place, but my sense of what's really going on usually isn't...The situation is resolved in that the relationship ends fully, and I end up feeling alternately sad and angry about the whole thing.

No advice from me on this, but what you say certainly resonates with me to a degree. Only you know your true feelings on this, and only you know what you need to do to ensure your own happiness, and to allow yourself to be really you....

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

Only you know your true feelings on this, and only you know what you need to do to ensure your own happiness, and to allow yourself to be really you....

absolutely. I just need some words out and some words in. thank you for yours.

[floatingslowly]

being that I'm nothing more than a Personal Electronic Device®, I don't have many wise words to pass on relating to this subject.

75.6789% of my vox_routines cause me to say "get fucked" when activated, so I'll just sit here buzzing softly while the carbon sentients dole out much better advice than I can give.

I'll be here when you need me.

[Trasher02]

You just got to do what feels right. Breaking up can be tough but if you really feel like your relation is going nowhere and you and you really want to break up you shouldn't wait too long to do so. Delaying it only makes it harder. Eitherway, I hope things will work out for you.

[Derek]

First I need to learn how to actually go out with someone before thinking about how I'm going to break up with them. Heh.

[Everyneurotic]

but who knows, wheeeere the time goeeeees
ahhhh who knows, where tiiime, goes...

---

i don't think that's a logical decision, it's about how you feel.

[radarmaker]

Originally Posted by phoenix

How long do you.. let yourself feel sad and pushed down and act so unlike what is true to your heart and soul and personality, just so you don't make waves?

Any relationship that makes you feel like that is not worth being in.
While the immediate aftermath will most likely be really fucking horrible, you'll be doing both of you a favour in the long run. Trust me on this one.

[atsonicpark]

Yeah, don't prolong the inevitable. All the breakups I've had, you just feel that there's no way things will ever be great so we both just kinda knew and got it out of the way.

[afterthefact]

I was always bad at breaking up. I either did it too abruptly or to subtly.

I came to the conclusion it's the end when a relationship is only an annual revenue of complications, rather than a happy one which sometimes happens to be complicated.

Not that I'm saying anything new here, but what's the point of having a relationship with someone who constantly makes it difficult for themselves, and then expect you to always know their motivations? I'm not a fan of needy boyfriends anymore because they stop taking responsability for their own thinking/actions and always expect you to pick up the bill.

I realise I'm talking from the point of view of someone is 34 and has been in three relationships that sucked my blood dry one way or another, still that's not a good mindset to start one with at any age.

try to clear up your mind what you wanna save from the relationship.
and if the situation allows it try to make the other one understand that there is something you dont wanna loose, like a friendship underneath the shadow of the gone wrong relationship.
if thats the case it can soften the edges of the breaking up. but you have to be honest to yourself, if its not the case then do NOT pretend just to soften the edges...that would hurt the other one more then just being honest.
I hope its clear enough what I wanted to say

[afterthefact]

6:30.

Oh, wait, no, Two and a Half Men is on. Wait till 7.

[flophousefloozie]

I've been running in circles with someone I haven't spent more than one month apart from, in total, for the past 5 years (including the duration of a regrettable relationship with another guy). We've finally decided to actually live in different cities for a few months. Physical space is the only thing that could keep us apart. I think it will be the ultimate test.

In other words, I'm there, too. I think I'd understand anything you feel, more than you know.

[greedrex]

were you not talking about having a baby not so long ago, like a couple of weeks ago in the 2009 resolutions thread?
bah.
to each his own i guess; you leave when youve decided it's enough unhappiness.

[cars_willkillyou]

I experienced something similar to this. I loved a girl, and we were part of each others' lives from the time we were 14 until a few months ago. We were so similar in so many ways. Our thought processes were even alike. We thought about the same things, questioned the same way, and within one another we found someone who we could fully relate to. That was the best feeling I ever had. And the worst was when I realized we were growing up, and in different directions. About a couple years ago, I knew it was over. We continued to try to get back together with new ideas and approaches, but it wouldnt last more than 2 weeks at a time. We would even try being friends. But after awhile of hanging out as friends, one of us would start to develop ideas and feelings again.

The last 2.5 years of our relationship was very painful. And that is what I told her. I didnt want to see her anymore, as a lover, or as a friend. It confused me, it hurt me, and it was clear that we would never be together again, and in order for me to move on, I had to stop talking to her.

So i moved 400+ miles away and deleted her number from my phone.

thats how I dealt with the issue. But im really good at running away from my problems.

[EVOLghost]

ouch dood. That sounds really painful.

[atsonicpark]

I handle breakups really well. I think they're fun. I've had 3 girls break up with me who years later email me or see me and say they wish they were still with me. The good thing about being a guy is that there are millions more girls out there than guys, so there's plenty of selection. Girls usually date complete morons though.

It'd be difficult if my current girlfriend and I broke up though, to be completely honest. Not because we've been together nearly 6 years but because do you know how long it's going to take to convince another girl to stick her finger in my ass?

I'm just kidding, but.......

But yeah, handling breakups is easy. You just have to realize that the person you're breaking up with is just another person. Often, people have this inferiority complex. I psyche myself out with that and with people in general, realizing that I'm not going to let anyone control my emotions because no one is better than me. Not that I'm better than anyone, either -- but there's no point getting torn up over a person or your memories with them, because you can find another equal by just going outside and having making new memories with them. Ending anything is sad to an extent to most "normal" person, I guess, but within months you'll completely forget because you'll be doing so many new and awesome things.

I'm not trying to downplay anyone's emotional, fulfilling, loving, epic relationships.. but we all are VERY young and if shit happens, it happens. Every ending is a new beginning, right?

[greedrex]

^^ you didn't have to convince her did you?
OUTACONTROL!!!!

[atsonicpark]

No, she was curious about butt play.

But it took like 3 years to get to that point. And now I'm addicted!