[ann ashtray]

but lately I've been digging way into the back of my mind's vaults, plundering memories/events starting in '93 that are partially responsible for me being the person that I am today.

My mom had gotten custody of me that year. I was in pretty bad shape, but this isn't about that. It was fifth grade and that was when I started a certain love affair w/ music. One that still exists to this day.

Being a bit "angry", I started buying tapes by the likes of Metallica + White Zombie. They served their purpose, but something was still missing. I was fortunate enough to have this uber-cool uncle (who at the time was in his early 20's) who began letting me borrow CD's (at the time they were kinda what blu-ray is now, not everyone was getting 'em, yet) by artists w/ names like Nirvana + Soundgarden + Pearl Jam. PJ didn't do much for me. Soundgarden I totally dug, but more than ANYTHING I fell in absolute love w/ Nirvana. I vividly remember buying that "Beavis and Butthead Experience" CD just because of the "I hate myself + want to die" track. THAT was the first CD I ever bought, actually.

I was still a bit young, but there was something in the air that I felt as if I identified with. I wanted to be a part of it, + in a way I was because I was def. feeling the music...but, my age kept me out of shows and some of the other "excesses" my at the time idols were involving themselves in. I remember seeing the older kids, the 15-20 year olds. I thought the boys were pretty w/ their long hair and tattered clothing + I wanted to look like them so I could fuck their girlfriends (puberty had def. hit full force already). This wouldn't happen to a bit later...5 years later, actually, and by this time most "outsider" girls I'd see at school were looking more like Morgan from Kitty. Boring. Nothing lasts, which is a great thing.

I often wonder what happened to lots of those older kid's I'd see. Seems most I meet now that were heavy into that music then are just married home owners w/ kids that have little time for music, or either went in the same direction I eventually did...taking Kurt's advice and listening to Sonic Youth + the Butthole Surfers and getting into really weirdo/radical shit as a result.

But yeah, ya know...while I've def. moved on musically, sometimes It's such a breath of fresh air to sit back and listen to nothing but Nirvana, Hole, Tad, Mudhoney, Wipers, the Sex Pistols, Flipper, Gits, Ramones, Black Flag, etc for a week or several and just remember where the fuck it is I came from. that's where it all started. I can honestly say if it wasn't for me getting into that, esp. the Youth, I'd have little to no interest in listen to Mingus, MC5, Sun Ra, Noveller, Ghoul Detail, DNA, VU, Double Leopards, etc...

I'd probably just be some generic metal adult in a Kiss tee. Nothing wrong w/ that...

Or maybe I naturally have some sort of progressive mindset + it had/has nothing to do w/ the music at all. Maybe if I didn't have that cool uncle I'd have taken those Metallica + White Zombie tapes and ran wild w/ that until it lead to some of the more Black/doom/stoner metal I'm only just now starting to get heavy into. But even these bands sometimes just remind me of the 'Garden.

whatever. just a rant for rant's rant sake.


<3,


-s.

[Keeping It Simple]

I was never a fan of Grunge, plus if you were angry you should've listened to music that would've made you feel less angry and more in love with the world, not even more angry, which is very counterproductive. Around 1993 there were brilliant, lush, dream pop bands around like Kitchens of Distinction, The Sundays, Slowdive, Cocteau Twins etc that you should've listened to.

[ann ashtray]

Originally Posted by Keeping It Simple

I was never a fan of Grunge, plus if you were angry you should've listened to music that would've made you feel less angry and more in love with the world, not even more angry, which is very counterproductive. Around 1993 there were brilliant, lush, dream pop bands around like Kitchens of Distinction, The Sundays, Slowdive, Cocteau Twins etc that you should've listened to.

I listen to what I relate to. Back then I was angry. I didn't like feeling angry, but listening to to music I could relate to reminded me that I wasn't the only person that was angry, thus...aided me in feeling comfortable w/ the fact that I was angry. Made the experience more tolerable, and in the long run I gained some pretty fond memories as a result.

I'm not into that "running away from my problems" shit. I'm not going to mask my emotions with things my emotions fail to identify with...I run with my problems. I become my problems, and they become me. We fuck, we fall asleep next to each other, we wake up and go to work with one another. We get over whatever it is that is causing us to feel ill...together.

[Keeping It Simple]

Originally Posted by ann ashtray

I listen to what I relate to. Back then I was angry. I didn't like feeling angry, but listening to to music I could relate to reminded me that I wasn't the only person that was angry, thus...aided me in feeling comfortable w/ the fact that I was angry. Made the experience more tolerable, and in the long run I gained some pretty fond memories as a result.

I'm not into that "running away from my problems" shit. I'm not going to mask my emotions with things my emotions fail to identify with...I run with my problems. I become my problems, and they become me. We fuck, we fall asleep next to each other, we wake up and go to work with one another. We get over whatever it is that is causing us to feel ill...together.

But people who are angry are cunts towards others who aren't. Listening to music that relates to how angry they're feeling never helps, it just makes them even more of a cunt. All you're doing is giving off bad vibes which makes you a hateful person. Way to go in just alienating yourself.

[ann ashtray]

That's not always true, at all. Plenty of angry people out there that keep their emotions to themselves, and plenty of others who know how to use their emotions in a productive manner (ie making music, using the experiences in attempt of helping others, painting). It's a natural human emotion that needs to be dealt with, trying to mask/hide it often means one will likely eventually blow up at everything/everyone. Music was + is my best friend...and I tend to hang out with the songs I identify with most at whatever given time. If I'm pissed and forced to listen to some half assed shit like Slowdive, I'm far more likely to "act out" in an angry way than if I listen to something like say Nirvana's Bleach or Sonic Youth's CIS. In a way this stuff did, and sometimes does (not nearly as angry a person as I used to be, actually I'm seldom angry at all) offer a "calming" effect.

As a teenager I was always skeptical of other kids who weren't angry.

You clearly don't think too much before you type, if you even think at all.

I know plenty of people who don't listen to so called "angry music" that are major dickheads. If you think about it long/hard enough, I'm sure you know some too. Yr response fails, try again.

[Keeping It Simple]

You're not exactly putting your case forward in a convincing way over your theory that listening to angry music when angry has a "calming" effect, are you? You're doing nothing but ironically justifying my point with your angry reply.

[demonrail666]

I don't know if people self-consciously choose the music they listen to in order to reinforce whatever mood they're in. They're more likely to choose it simply because they relate to it. Whether that's healthy is another question. If someone's feeling depressed maybe they should hang around with people who are having a great time but chances are that'll just make them feel even worse than they already do, so they gravitate towards those things that compliment rather than counter whatever they're feeling at that time.

[EVOLghost]

Originally Posted by demonrail666

I don't know if people self-consciously choose the music they listen to in order to reinforce whatever mood they're in.

actually music just tends to e in the right spot sometimes. It doesn't feel like magic if one is depressed so therefor one has to find depressing, if not the most depressing thing.

[ann ashtray]

Originally Posted by amerikangod

And as someone that listens to dream pop, your very existence proves that calming music makes you no less of a cunt.

As I understand it, before a viking would go berserk and slaughter his enemies and rape their women, he'd exclusively listen to Limp Bizkit's 'Break Stuff.'

<3 <3 <3 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[space]

I like to fuck and listen to T Rex.

[ann ashtray]

Originally Posted by space

I like to fuck and listen to T Rex.

Hell yeah, MAN! I Like getting drunk and pissed and punching KIS's mom in the face, followed by stealing his dad's car and drunk-driving it into a ditch full of baby geese.

FIRE!


Let's listen to angry music and tie KIS to a chair and force 'em to watch us take turns urinating on his dream pop collection, his eyes glowing in fear + agony. We'll blast Slayer's uber-angry version of Minor Threat's "Guilty of being White" in the background...just to fuel our fire.

Light a match.

[space]

Originally Posted by amerikangod

Dude, I just made a T. Rex related post in another thread. Our love is serendipitous.

it's a shame that we can't make a baby.

[pbradley]

Looks like sway has made a full recovery.

[Keeping It Simple]

Originally Posted by amerikangod

And as someone that listens to dream pop, your very existence proves that calming music makes you no less of a cunt.

As I understand it, before a viking would go berserk and slaughter his enemies and rape their women, he'd exclusively listen to Limp Bizkit's 'Break Stuff.'

What's your excuse for being a cunt? Listen to Nirvana a lot?

[SONIC GAIL]

[quote=ann ashtray]but lately I've been digging way into the back of my mind's vaults, plundering memories/events starting in '93 that are partially responsible for me being the person that I am today.

My mom had gotten custody of me that year. I was in pretty bad shape, but this isn't about that. It was fifth grade and that was when I started a certain love affair w/ music. One that still exists to this day.

Being a bit "angry", I started buying tapes by the likes of Metallica + White Zombie. They served their purpose, but something was still missing. I was fortunate enough to have this uber-cool uncle (who at the time was in his early 20's) who began letting me borrow CD's (at the time they were kinda what blu-ray is now, not everyone was getting 'em, yet) by artists w/ names like Nirvana + Soundgarden + Pearl Jam. PJ didn't do much for me. Soundgarden I totally dug, but more than ANYTHING I fell in absolute love w/ Nirvana. I vividly remember buying that "Beavis and Butthead Experience" CD just because of the "I hate myself + want to die" track. THAT was the first CD I ever bought, actually.

I was still a bit young, but there was something in the air that I felt as if I identified with. I wanted to be a part of it, + in a way I was because I was def. feeling the music...but, my age kept me out of shows and some of the other "excesses" my at the time idols were involving themselves in. I remember seeing the older kids, the 15-20 year olds. I thought the boys were pretty w/ their long hair and tattered clothing + I wanted to look like them so I could fuck their girlfriends (puberty had def. hit full force already). This wouldn't happen to a bit later...5 years later, actually, and by this time most "outsider" girls I'd see at school were looking more like Morgan from Kitty. Boring. Nothing lasts, which is a great thing.

I often wonder what happened to lots of those older kid's I'd see. Seems most I meet now that were heavy into that music then are just married home owners w/ kids that have little time for music, or either went in the same direction I eventually did...taking Kurt's advice and listening to Sonic Youth + the Butthole Surfers and getting into really weirdo/radical shit as a result.

But yeah, ya know...while I've def. moved on musically, sometimes It's such a breath of fresh air to sit back and listen to nothing but Nirvana, Hole, Tad, Mudhoney, Wipers, the Sex Pistols, Flipper, Gits, Ramones, Black Flag, etc for a week or several and just remember where the fuck it is I came from. that's where it all started. I can honestly say if it wasn't for me getting into that, esp. the Youth, I'd have little to no interest in listen to Mingus, MC5, Sun Ra, Noveller, Ghoul Detail, DNA, VU, Double Leopards, etc...

I'd probably just be some generic metal adult in a Kiss tee. Nothing wrong w/ that...

Or maybe I naturally have some sort of progressive mindset + it had/has nothing to do w/ the music at all. Maybe if I didn't have that cool uncle I'd have taken those Metallica + White Zombie tapes and ran wild w/ that until it lead to some of the more Black/doom/stoner metal I'm only just now starting to get heavy into. But even these bands sometimes just remind me of the 'Garden.

whatever. just a rant for rant's rant sake.


<3,




Nice post Anny!
Back to the topic. I was one of those kids Ann...I felt just like you I liked those same bands and felt the same way youdid. I was angry i loved everything from seattle. maybe cause its kinda secluded in the south i dont really know, but that music spoke to me in ways no other could. They knew how i felt somehow and nursed my wounds. they taught me how to be strong in the face of all of my adversaries and to say what I wanted to say. Now i am a mom. i followed the "rules" got a job had kids and shit, but i am not going to leave just that as my legacy before i die. i am still an angry dreamer with "a bunch of other dreams"

[chicka]

Singing along to the Four Tops' Bernadeta 15 times in a row. Listening to Iron Butterfly's Inagadadivida for an hour and half because the DJ locked himself out of the control booth. Playing Kitty Whist from dusk till dawn and never running out of booze and drugs....the good ole days