[Derek]

Well?

The reason why I'm asking this is because of one of my girlfriend's best friends. They were the best of friends until she started going out with me, which was when her friend started to be horrible to her... as for some reason she dislikes me even though I've never did anything to her. I honestly don't have a problem with ANYONE in my personal life and I've always thought of myself as a nice considerate friendly person but this "friend" of hers just seems to be completely against me. I chocked this up to jealousy; she's jealous that her best friend of all time is wanting to spend time with someone other than her.

And throughout our relationship this friend has lied to her, ditched her, talked about her behind her back and worst of all, put our relationship down. She even went as far as to say to everyone I was nasty to her and a bad boyfriend. Now this is bullshit! I've never acted nasty to her, and if I managed to upset her I would always do everything in my power to rectify the situation. Also to consider that she's made my girlfriend way more upset than I ever could. She is a dramatic narcissist and I hate even the mention of her name (honestly she is one of the ugliest people I have ever met... yet she thinks she's absolutely beautiful).

Now this sort of goes beyond someone being mean to my girlfriend, but the fact she brings me into it and tries to put down everything me and my gf have built pisses me off to no end. And trust me, it takes A LOT for me to be pissed off.

My girlfriend's reaction? Eh, she doesn't care! She's willing to be walked all over by this friend because she thinks she has no one else (even though she has me and tons of people she talks to online... and I keep telling her she should ask these people to hang out instead of attaching herself to someone that's mean to her). And when trying to discourage her from this friend she says, "Well she's been in my life longer than you have!" ...Eh? What relevance does that have? Who in the past year or so loved her, took care of her and hung out with her? And who in the past year treated her like shit? Ultimately I really don't understand her mindset... I give her so many reasons why this friend is bad for her and her reply is, "It's my own decision to who I hang about with!" Yes, fair enough. But when this friend throws me into the equation also, that's where I draw the line.

But yes, I'm ranting. Give me your stories, opinions etc.

[demonrail666]

It does sound as though your gf and her friend don't have the healthiest of friendships, which seems to be a problem in itself. Speaking purely personally though, I've found it impossible to maintain a relationship with someone whose friends either I didn't like (which is perfectly reasonable) or who didn't like me (which considering I'm quite possibly the nicest person in existence, frankly isn't). Best of luck with it all, close friendships are funny things though.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by Derek

(even though she has me and tons of people she talks to online... and I keep telling her she should ask these people to hang out instead of attaching herself to someone that's mean to her)

you can't expect people to throw out their friends. Lovers can not replace friends, it is too different. If your chick's friend is truly such a detriment, then your chick will find out inevitably. I have had plenty of horror stories over friends, that have even escalated to end in gun violence

eventually I discovered who was and who weren't my friends but that can't be the decision of my lovers, my other friends, my co-workers, or my family. Those decisions had to made entirely on my own, through my own distinct experiences and interpretation of the vibes/feelings..
the best thing you can do is be supportive and positive. Do NOT be antagonistic to her friend, it will ONLY come back in your face. If you love or at least care about your chick, then you will be comfortable letting her make her OWN mistakes, but ALSO don't let some bad apple chicks (ie, the friend) fuck up YOUR program either. That being said, let your chick have her friend and casually supervise to make sure this friend doesn't fuck up anything of yours (like stealing from you or calling the cops for bullshit or things like that, after all some chicks live in a constant power trip and you especially have to watch those ones)

[Derek]

It does sound as though your gf and her friend don't have the healthiest of friendships which seems to be a problem in itself. Speaking purely personally though, I've found it impossible to maintain a relationship with someone whose friends either I didn't like (which is perfectly reasonable) or who didn't like me (which considering I'm quite possibly the nicest person in existence, frankly isn'y). Best of luck with it all, close friendships are funny things though.

Yeah they don't and that's due to my girlfriend's friend... who is dramatic, childish etc.

And yeah, thanks, it doesn't make me want to break up with her or anything but it does put a strain on our relationship I feel.

[demonrail666]

aaah, sod it. Tell her you've had enough, buy yourself some old Dr Who DVDs (ideally this one) and reconcile yourself to a life of desperate (but at least not confusing) batchelorhood.

[Derek]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

you can't expect people to throw out their friends. Lovers can not replace friends, it is too different. If your chick's friend is truly such a detriment, then your chick will find out inevitably. I have had plenty of horror stories over friends, that have even escalated to end in gun violence

eventually I discovered who was and who weren't my friends but that can't be the decision of my lovers, my other friends, my co-workers, or my family. Those decisions had to made entirely on my own, through my own distinct experiences and interpretation of the vibes/feelings..
the best thing you can do is be supportive and positive. Do NOT be antagonistic to her friend, it will ONLY come back in your face. If you love or at least care about your chick, then you will be comfortable letting her make her OWN mistakes, but ALSO don't like some bad apple chicks (ie, the friend) fuck up YOUR program either. That being said, let your chick have her friend and casually supervise to make sure this friend doesn't fuck up anything of yours (like stealing from you or calling the cops for bullshit or things like that, after all some chicks live in a constant power trip and you especially have to watch those ones)

Well my girlfriend has said, "I KNOW what she's like, you don't have to tell me." But if she really did realise then she wouldn't want to hang out with her all the time right?

Oh and another thing... this past christmas this friend was supposed to go on holiday with my gf's family. She bailed out costing my gf's family hundreds. And after not speaking for a few weeks, they are friends again and are considering "going on holiday with each other!" What... someone costs you hundreds, hangs out with you once and all of a sudden what they did is forgivable? I think that is bullshit... and my girlfriend is definitely being foolish and setting herself up to be torn down again.

aaah, sod it. Tell her you've had enough, buy yourself some old Dr Who DVDs and reconcile yourself to a life of desperate (but atleast not confusing) batchelorhood.

Hahahaha.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

What relevance does that have? Who in the past year or so loved her, took care of her and hung out with her? And who in the past year treated her like shit?

It is extremely relevant and it means EVERYTHING! you need to stop comparing your position/status to the friend..

let the friend be the friend, and you be the lover. People need friends, people need keep attached to conceptions of themselves before their romantic endevours, people need a cushion they feel they can fall back on. Love hurts, and friends (even bad ones) can be quite comforting.

Again, I say stop letting that other chick get to you, in reality the green monster is coming out in you, you are a bit jealous that your chick is not listening to yr judgment, but put the shoe on the other foot, why does this friend threaten you so much? Do you think your chick likes you challenging her judgment?Are you not comfortable enough with your chick to let it go? Trust me, the last thing your chick wants is a battle between her man and her friend, and in the end, bad friend or not, you just might lose on that one..

[Genteel Death]

Only if they were as terrible as my friends.

[Derek]

Yeah, I'm honestly trying to let it go... but you know, incident after incident I get tired of her shit. But it looks like I will have to stay quiet from now on anyway, because complaining about it does no good.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by Genteel Death

Only if they were as terrible as my friends.

I know what you mean

"I only hang out with criminals and drug dealers.. I love niggaz cuz we comin from the same place.."

none of the chicks I have dated have been able to handle my literally gangster friends, and it always ends in disaster. BUT i wouldn't trade my friends for ANY of those chicks, cuz those chicks don't have my back in the kind of life and death situations me and my brotherz have went through over the years.. My folks know where the bodiez are buried so to speak, but to my ladies well those kinds of things are a secret most girlfriends simply can't handle appropriately

Originally Posted by Derek

But it looks like I will have to stay quiet from now on anyway, because complaining about it does no good.

exactly.

[artsygrrl]

Derek
This "friend" is poisonous. She is deliberately sabataging your relationship with your gf...she has total control of the situation and is loving every minute of the chaos she creates. She knows which buttons to push to get both of you upset. She is a selfish, insecure, mean-spirited bitch to do this to her friend. She has no problem manipulating the person she knows very well - your girlfriend - and shamefully pitting her against you.
You cannot win with this situation as it is now. The more you tell your gf what a twat her friend is, the more she will defend her in some way.
The only thing I can tell you is try to "kill her with kindness". Even this may not work because she already knows how you feel about her.
One other thing to try would be to get her a guy of her own. Shit, get her hooked on an online dating site or SOMETHING.
The only thing that will work is to get her mind on something more fun than torturing you two.

[floatingslowly]

I pretty much hate everybody, so this isn't much of an
issue.

I'd be more concerned if she had friends I liked.

[demonrail666]

Come on, man. no girlfriend can possibly compete with a wirrin:

 

(a wirrin)

[Derek]

I laughed for a full 30 seconds there.

Haha!

[knox]

well, your girlfriend likes this girl and wants to be her friend.
that's really not your business in the end.
and by telling her to drop the friend, (in your gfs head) you are doing the exact same thing you are criticizing her for.
dont make it a war like her or me, its her friend let her have it.
you dont have to see her tho.

[knox]

and also, you'd be surprised. maybe your gf has made a complaints about you to her friend (something she never mentioned to you) or used you as an excuse which would cause this friend to have a distorted perception of you?

i dont know
ive seen a lot of similiar shit and its always more twisted than we imagine.
I AM NOT HELPFUL AM I

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by artsygrrl

Derek
.
The only thing I can tell you is try to "kill her with kindness"

thats my approach, I learned it from the Master of conquering haterz the world through kindness

 

[knox]

its not working out of you suchfriends, just to let you know.

[demonrail666]

be careful derek; some of those giving you advice here are women. expect massive levels of xx chromosome irrationality and hysteria.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by knox

its not working out of you suchfriends, just to let you know.

yes it did. you know you want me.