[luxinterior]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

oh, i see. sorry, i did not know that you had fear of the stalker in this case. get used to being gorgeous and pursued. well no. but you have to understand that a guy can be totally obsessed with a girl without being creepy or a threat. well maybe a little creepy, but ultimately harmless. once they see you with a boyfriend they will tend to back off.

i think i told you my wife had a stalker, no? he was a perfectly nice guy who would show up at her window and shit. i don't think he meant any harm, i met him once, he was really mellow and friendly. i even found out that he and i lived in the same apartment building, and then she moved in with me. but he never ever showed up at MY doorstep.

then again, i've chased women like mad, and people thought i was a stalker. nonsense, i tell you. i was just very young and horny and she was gorgeousisisima, and a wonderful poet. i plead the 5th. but anyway...

this girl whom i once chased also got spooked by me becasue some stalking asshole had left a knife on her door when she was a teenager. PTSD.

also there was this woman i went out with, a stalker broke into her house, they put him in jail.

so if you fear for your safety, that's another story. but you have a loony radar, don't you?

random question: do you have a tendency to attract desperate guys? i know this may sound mean, but sometimes being nice to everyone will give people the wrong idea. without being a bitch, you can be indifferent to those who show mild signs of psychopathology...

then also, if the whole ryan situation makes you uncomfortable, you definitely don't have to accept. just say or convey the message that you're seeing someone at this time, but thanks for asking. "maybe another time". having your relatives meddle in your love life is a throwback to the days of arrange marriages. that alone disqualifies him, in my eyes. having your dates set up by some old lady: creepy. especially for a guy. so if you wanna be kind, "hey thanks, but i'm seeing someone at the moment".

same thing with the stalkers. make up a fictional boyfriend, show them your autographed picture of willem dafoe, and chances are they might leave you alone.

but it's better to cut off insecure desperate people before thing snowball out of control. sniff them out. early warning systems FTW.

You make a very, very good point about the desperate guys. I know that I do not treat these people any differently than anyone else. I don't baby them (which is so gross), or any of that. I have to wonder if they are used to female attention at all. That Rob guy has dated more people than I have, this I am sure of, so lack of female attention can't be his issue. But for some reason he still seems really sensitive about it all. I don't know if he makes up these things in his head, about how I may have liked him, or whatever. Because I did absolutely nothing to make this guy think that I was interested in him in any way. I treated him the exact same way when we were in high school, so I have no idea what changed in his mind. All I did was agree to see a movie with him, and it was at the last minute. He gave me about 10 minutes' notice, for godssake. Does that sound like a date to you? It didn't to me. I am accustomed to my friends giving me absolutely no warning when it comes to their plans involving me, so the only assumption I could make was that Rob was doing this same thing. What really bothered me about Rob, ultimately, was how he treated me like some helpless little girl. He acted like I couldn't do anything by myself, including driving the both of us in my car to go see this movie. He's one of those people who constantly asks, "Are you okay? Can I get you anything?" It just didn't stop. I can't handle that, it puts me on edge. There's a difference between being a helpful person and yes, being a desperate person. Again, you make a great point. I might be too nice just because I am usually nice to people I don't know very well.

I did not know about your wife's stalker, I don't think. It is very strange; in Theater Appeciation, we just finished reading Boy Gets Girl, and it was so hard to get through because it brought back some memories I had tried to repress.

I doubt Ryan is the desperate type, he seems to together to really be that way. I'm not so much worried about that, I don't think. I just don't want to lead him on, and then chicken out if/when it comes time to cut things off with him.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by girlgun

to clarify...my point wasn't that she should keep both relationships...it was that she'd have to test them out to see which one clicked better with her. you can't really tell until you go out a few times, you know?

i think he understood your statement "give ryan a whirl" as short for "with your tongue".

[luxinterior]

Originally Posted by Alex's Trip

Come to California, get a sex change, and we'll date instead.

I say go out with Robert, and meet this Ryan fellow. Meet him and become acquaintances, nothing more.

How do you think I should make myself more accessible to him? As I said, I think he's kind of scared of me in a way, because he knows I won't hesitate to ridicule him, and perhaps he sees this as a possible reaction of mine. Should I just try to be nicer, even though being nice wasn't what got his attention in the first place? Or should I do something else? Usually when I am a bitch to people, they fuck off, end of story. That's why I like Robert, because he didn't fuck off, and that made it interesting.

[!@#$%!]

luxy: about your post above: i gues you have to get downright mean when people can't take a hint. make yourself unpleasant. you have to most blatantly shoo them away.

now, funny thing, i reread your posts and you seem to be all over the art dude ha ha ha. just go with it & see what happens. you cant really plan out your whole life-- you have to take chances, etc.

this reminds me btw of my first "serious" girlfriend, we were 17, in college (we have shorter highschools) and seriously into each other. agter a year ahd a half i chickend out cos i was young and curious and not ready to commit. did shit hit the fan? of course. did i have to see her and be in class with her, considering our first year we had all our courses together. and i had to see her for the next 3 years. but that's life, people often move in small social circles anyway.

which brings me to my other point-- aren't you going to a different college next year? i wouldnt worry much about what to do after a breakup, but about what to do if things get heavy and you gotta leave.

but there's no use in worrying really. life is an adventure. keep crazies away and take care of yourself and you should be mostly ok.

and you might want to talk with someone (in person) about that mild ptsd you have. if you're still haunted by it, you're not ok. get that out of your system if possible...

[pbradley]

Originally Posted by girlgun

to clarify...my point wasn't that she should keep both relationships...it was that she'd have to test them out to see which one clicked better with her. you can't really tell until you go out a few times, you know?

In that case I agree.

And I don't know why some guys are put off with just being friends.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by luxinterior

Usually when I am a bitch to people, they fuck off, end of story. That's why I like Robert, because he didn't fuck off, and that made it interesting.

hm... so you unconsciously preselect guys who are suckers for abuse? that... might be a problem...

on a related but separate note-- my first girlfiend and i hated each other at first sight. of course i pretended not to like her, and she was annoyed by my desk drumming. but later on, after we got to know each other & became friends, things got hotter than california wildfires.

[luxinterior]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

hm... so you unconsciously preselect guys who are suckers for abuse? that... might be a problem...

I think I unconsciously look for people who know it's all in good fun, and who don't take themselves so seriously that they would be offended by my abuse. He just likes the attention, for sure. Chelsey acts like we're a good match; she is basically responsible for most of this.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by luxinterior

I think I unconsciously look for people who know it's all in good fun, and who don't take themselves so seriously that they would be offended by my abuse. He just likes the attention, for sure. Chelsey acts like we're a good match; she is basically responsible for most of this.

oh i see. a common sensibility to certain type of humor.

so did your friend chelsey hypnotize you or what? i doubt it. i think she just pointed out the obvious.

and now your *real* problem when you cut the bullshit is.. how to not be "just friends" anymore?

well, i don't know what you can do, but i'll say this: i like for a woman to show interest in me, but as a man, i like to be the pursuer. so if he likes you and he needs a hint that you are available, there are these girly things girls to that give a man courage, ha ha. let him pounce. but then again, who knows?

once i was heavily interested in this woman and i started hanging out with her, but refrained from making advances for reasons i won't discuss here. so eventually she asked me if i wanted to go to a movie. we never actually made it to the movie, but we ended up being together for quite a long and stormy, passionate, and ultimately hellish time-- ha ha ha. i chased her half around the planet but eventually we split. but we were jaded corrupt people at this point.

of course you're young, and whatever happens, it will happen, so don't rush it. if this guy is into you the same way you seem to be into him, he' s not going anywhere. less calculations & more gut instinct will help you sort things out. have fun & enjoy.

[luxinterior]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

so did your friend chelsey hypnotize you or what? i doubt it. i think she just pointed out the obvious.

I think sometimes I am unable to see what is obvious.

Sort of in the way that people have been telling me my whole life that I need to pursue art as a career and that I would be stupid not to. And I always wrote them off, but now I'm thinking that it's better than any of my own ideas.

[!@#$%!]

i forgot to paste pictures of famous stalker heros:

 

x-ray vision: total stalker

 

and also:
http://cache.eb.com/eb/image?id=90604&rendTypeId=4

and especially this one, not hotlinkable.

--
but don't forget the stalker villains

 

 

that's it, 4 pictures per thread max.

[SynthethicalY]

Luxy, I would say give Ryan a chance, if that doesn't work out give Robert a try.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SynthethicalY

Luxy, I would say give Ryan a chance, if that doesn't work out give Robert a try.

yes, but you are a Big Slut, you slut you.

[luxinterior]

Originally Posted by SynthethicalY

Luxy, I would say give Ryan a chance, if that doesn't work out give Robert a try.

What is your reasoning behind this?

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by luxinterior

What is your reasoning behind this?

there's no reasoning, he's just a Big Slut.

[SynthethicalY]

Of what you said, he doesn't know you and you guys can get to know each other. But I am this type of person that likes to meet new people, and if we hit it off I am glad I put the effort for it. But if not I can at least say I gave it a try.

[SynthethicalY]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

there's no reasoning, he's just a Big Slut.

Oh just because I slept with 20 guys before I turned twenty does not make me a slut.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SynthethicalY

Of what you said, he doesn't know you and you guys can get to know each other. But I am this type of person that likes to meet new people

in bathrooms!

[SynthethicalY]

Never in bathrooms, that was one occassion.

[luxinterior]

Robert is a new person. He is also a somewhat normal person. There are many things working in his favor:
-Same age as me
-Hot enough
-Is not a stalker
-My mom doesn't know who he is

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SynthethicalY

Never in bathrooms, that was one occassion.

damn! and i was just taking a guess

Originally Posted by luxinterior

Robert is a new person. He is also a somewhat normal person. There are many things working in his favor:
-Same age as me
-Hot enough
-Is not a stalker
-My mom doesn't know who he is

i dont understand the benefits of same age coupling. when i was younger, i wanted mostly older women, when i got older, i wanted mostly younger women. but whatever works!

ps- the mom out of the equation is worth double points