[_slavo_]

Originally Posted by phoenix

I've actually lost most of my friends in part due to my current relationship. Over the last few years I've either been discouraged from seeing some, others were sick of my partners ways and there is only so long you can hang out with someon who constantly calls yr partner a jerk, and.. he never wanted to come out with me in a group or with the people I used to see.. The times when we go out in a group with his friends.. well workmaets... I feel like I might as well not be there. I get ignored... Or try to participate in conversation without much response from him. It's as though we've come seperately all together? The worst was a birthday party where he spent most of the night out right flirting with a girl in the next seat over and not saying two words to me. It was over a year ago but ridiculous and humiliating given everything that has gone on.

Well, judging from the words above and especially from the first sentence, I get the general idea that you need to move on relationship-wise, if you want to feel comfortable and happy again. You don't necessariliy need to switch location for that.

Originally Posted by phoenix

He has thus far made it heart wretchingly difficult to do so, and I am a soppy, sympathetic, stupidly loyal person. Then there is the comfort zone thing. You know.

Sympathetic, stupidly loyal enough not to be able to explain the dude what is eating you from inside and try to make him understand? You better do something about it.

[ZEROpumpkins]

pheonix: bugger everything and come to sydney.

[_slavo_]

Originally Posted by phoenix

I think the only thing that attracts workers is pig fucking, and that's usually left up to all the UK students on holiday visas hehe.

Yes, a very british attitude indeed.

(sorry, a bad joke to lighten things up)

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by _slavo_

Sympathetic, stupidly loyal enough not to be able to explain the dude what is eating you from inside and try to make him understand? You better do something about it.

we've talked about it, there have been a few times we've had almost breakup conversations. Few times? Lots of times. He always says he wants to fix it, he wants to fix us, and then nothing ever changes.

Yes, I probably need to move on. I dont know. I always imagined that one day we could work it out. That hurts, I guess.

[_slavo_]

Originally Posted by phoenix

we've talked about it, there have been a few times we've had almost breakup conversations. Few times? Lots of times. He always says he wants to fix it, he wants to fix us, and then nothing ever changes.

Yes, I probably need to move on. I dont know. I always imagined that one day we could work it out. That hurts, I guess.

you still love him, right? it must be tough thinking about moving on, then.
but you need to be a bit of a selfish bitch too. think about your own well-being as well.

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by _slavo_

you still love him, right? it must be tough thinking about moving on, then.
but you need to be a bit of a selfish bitch too. think about your own well-being as well.

love yes completely. But also know that the things that hurt me I dont think will ever go away despite loving him. I imagine myself settling down and having kids with him.. but, I think that I would always feel the way I do, and that the things he does would never change. I'd have someone I love but someone I feel constantly.. I don't know the word. insufficient? and because of that, I pick at myself more emotionally. As though there must have been something else I could do to fix it. I doubt there is though...

If I were looking at my situation from someone elses point of view ( as much as I can try to do that.. ) I think I've given so many chances and tried so many times to make it work? Not that I am some type of never cranky lady.. I'm a normal person I have my moments. But on the whole... I don't know what else to do.
and still.. so many times I end up feeling as though it's all my fault.

case in point, boyshape just got home 6 minutes ago. so far I have done two things wrong. Stupid things, but things. Emotionally perhaps I have just given up. I dont know anymore.


This is why I feel the need to get away maybe? So I can figure out whether I care or not, anymore.

[_slavo_]

Originally Posted by phoenix

love yes completely. But also know that the things that hurt me I dont think will ever go away despite loving him. I imagine myself settling down and having kids with him.. but, I think that I would always feel the way I do, and that the things he does would never change. I'd have someone I love but someone I feel constantly.. I don't know the word. insufficient? and because of that, I pick at myself more emotionally. As though there must have been something else I could do to fix it. I doubt there is though.

wow, you sound very ... devoted. You invest a lot of your energy into the relationship, as it seems. The dude has been the main cause of you losing majority of your former friends, he's done things that did not really make you happy and you keep thinking there must be something else you could do about it to fix it?
Well, I cross my fingers for you (and this is not some prickish irony, I mean it, you most definitely are a very good person).

[floatingslowly]

I've done this too many times to count.

especially if you consider that I moved every two years with my parents.

concepts that girlgun takes for granted, like friends since grade-school, are completely lost on me.

I don't make new friends (period). I just tend to keep those I have (mostly).

until I got married, I could fit my entire belongings into my car. and I'm sure if pressed, I still could.

sometimes taking the big leap is the best thing you can do.

[phoenix]

Without being all sexist though, you are a guy. A big part of me kind of thinks it is probably easier for a guy to find their way around a new place. Perhaps Im just too timid. You know. If a guy asks to sleep on your couch ( and you are a guy, or a girl) its like okay.. sure. If a girl asks to sleep on your couch and you're a girl.. it's okay, but only for a day or two.. and if a girl asks to sleep on your couch and you're a guy.. apparently this means you really want to sleep in their bed and from there on it gets more and more uncomfortable.

I kind of lost touch with most of my school friends already out of choice, so that part wouldn't bother me so much. They dont live far away, and a couple of them are on my facebook, but I don't talk to them and I definately don't consider them 'friends'.

Actually though I hadn't yet thought about what I'd do about my 'stuff'. Most of it is junk and actually I've thrown out around 80% of what I used to have in the last 12 months in clean outs. There is still a drum kit and lots of art supplies and the like though. And my cat. Everything else is pretty replaceable.

[floatingslowly]

hmmm....yeah I would suppose being female might make it more difficult (if only having to fend off the advances).

everytime I moved, I had somewhere to go. it was either family or friends.

this is the longest that I've lived in one place. I thought that I'd never get the wanderlust out of my system. it's still there, I guess, but I don't feel so compelled to just say "fuck it" and see what happens.

it's a scarey move to take, either way. but if yr to the point where nothing else sounds better, why not take the chance? you never know what it might lead to. if it doesn't work, you could always try going back....

anyways, hope yr ok. you know that I'm here for you in whatever capacity I can be. also...there will ALWAYS be a couch open for you. there's cat hair on it, but it comes with no strings attached.

ps: consider yrself lucky that you don't have record crates. fucking record crates.

[phoenix]

There is a lot of fear, I guess. Sometimes I'm spontaneous and my behaviour is fairly reckless.. but I always sober up in a day or so.. With this there is the fear that there isn't much to fall back on right now, if I fuck up. Not as many people as I used to have. That is ridiculous I know, and if you're down you can only go up etc etc. It just feels that way.

There are probably 100 better things to do than running away from it all.. Im just not sure that I could deal with being around him if/when we break up. The last time we stopped talking, he went to pretty great lengths to see me. God only knows what this time round would involve.

[greedrex]

that's exactly the kind of thread i like and would love to contribute to but then i'd have to write three pages worth of stuff, only to get well-deserved tl;dr.... so i just won't bother.

[phoenix]

haha and yeh record crates would suck :P The drum kit is about the only big thing I'd need to find a place for.

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by greedrex

that's exactly the kind of thread i like and would love to contribute to but then i'd have to write three pages worth of stuff, only to get well-deserved tl;dr.... so i just won't bother.

[greedrex]

let's just say it's always possible to start anew elsewhere, even it means one or two years of probable loneliness to start with. Then it gets better. Be confident.

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by greedrex

one or two years

how wonderful.

[greedrex]

or not, i mean, ANYTHING is possible; but yeah if you go somewhere where everything and everybody is new, you may find it a long time before you actually get to meet the one person who is going to make you meet more new people and then life starts again. It depends on yr personality + out -o-the-house activities.

[phoenix]

Yeh that makes me nervous. Because I dont really go out on my own. There could be months before I find people I enjoy spending time with, if it were an entirely new town.

bleh. bedtime.

thankyou SYtherapy.

[afterthefact]

I did that somewhat when I moved to Cincinnati from Lexington. I like it because I still have friends there and can go see them when I want, but I feel like I can be my own person more, and that I'm not just a sum of peoples collected thoughts about me. Although I do have friends here now, we don't go way back, so their thoughts of me are based on my actions, not on how they have viewed me for many years and from any sort of deep understanding of me. Not that the people who have known me for a long time have any bad thoughts about me; they all like me and love when I come back to visit. I just enjoy feeling like there is a part of me that is only for me, and that the people around me never fully known me.

I know, I'm weird.

After saying this, my next statement will seem illogical: I'm moving back. We are going to live with my mom for a bit so that we can all get out of some debt, as well as fix my mom's house up, because it's falling apart around her.

(Yes, RdTv and DisgruntledYouth, if you are reading this, it is true. See you guys soon.)

[floatingslowly]

also, I always feel that an "advice" thread is incomplete without:

Originally Posted by floatingslowly

daddy?

yes, son.

wwhat does regret mean?

well son, the funny thing about regret is that it's better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done.

and by the way...if you see yr mom this weekend, will you be sure and tell her...
SATAN SATAN SATAN!!!!

[yes, I have the quote saved for such an occasion]