[EMMAh]

That is rough man

My dad's friend killed himself about a year ago because he had be struggling with drug addiction. I don't know exactly what, but apparently it had been going on for a really really long time.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by EMMAh

I'd rather smoke too much weed than do too much of anything else though.

Don't know if I've mentioned it here before, but I would like to depend on it less. Apparently that's not happening today though. First thing I did when I got up was a massive roach hunt haha.

How did you get busted?

got busted a couple of times driving, my parents found weed in my pants (i was 19 and living at home), it was a combination which ended in lots of family drama and i also totaled a number of cars while drunk AND stoned. never just drunk.

in order to get weed i also drove a dealer around in my car (he had a HUGE bag on him, it would have been atrocious getting caught, because of the sheer amount) and hung out with a bunch of cokeheads who had access to good weed & i put up with their crap so i could score weed. eventually i ended up driving them around while unbeknownst to me they were dealing coke all over town.

there was all manner of shitty consequences and when everyone around me realized i was a pothead, my relationships with people changed as a consequence and i found myself stuck with shit people.

i just mentioned this because while weed is not as violently bad as other stuff, it's still an addiction, it's still self-medication and coverup for emotional problems, and so the problems continue while you dull the pain.

having an alcoholic parent predisposes you to these emotional problems & addictions.

my friendly suggestion... if you're looking to be less dependent on weed or anything else for that matter is to treat the underlying causes, i.e. your anxiety & depression & the sources of it, rather than simply trying to curb use & "control" the addiction.

i promise that this works.

[MellySingsDoom]

!@#$%! - Re treating underlying causes....agree in principle, but I know from very bitter personal experience just how near-impossible it can be sometimes. Emotional pain and sadness can be SO overwhelming that turning to alcohol/weed (in my case) was the only way I could numb my senses. It's FAR harder to face up to your personla shit - I know, because I finally did it this year (it was why I was away from here for so long...) - ANYONE going through that right now has my empathies and support. I wouldn't tell people what to do - God knows, I didn't listen to anyone for the best part of ten years - instead, I would do what I never got for a long while - I would LISTEN to these people, no matter how upsetting/horrible it might be for me...

[Glice]

I've known people with addictions. It's a bit shit. Some things tend to lead people to being addicts - Coke, smack. As may of you are probably aware, I generally give weed the shortest shrift because there's a general perception that it's 'not as bad as alcohol because you don't get violent'. And yes, many people smoke weed and it doesn't change them in any way. However, weed is not benign in 100% of cases, and I know plenty of people who can't move without it.

Obviously, anyone boshing Charles or brown on a daily basis needs to check themselves; anyone doing gurners on a weekly basis for more than a year or so is headed for brain damage/ massive mid-30s depression; anyone drinking more than a few times a week for more than 5 years or so needs to sort it out; no-one except for people who were mental already does speed for any period of time; ketamine should be enjoyed lightly; don't do hallucinigens for for than a few years; if you find it impossible to go more than 3 days without weed, you have an addiction, and you're probably exceptionally boring to all around you. You probably have very little sex-drive, and any notions of ambition will disappear until you stop 'chilling with a little spliff', you boring cunt.

I apologise to anyone who has an addiction to a drug class not covered above.

[MellySingsDoom]

You forgot the addiction to "not being gay enough to be a gay, you gay"

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

!@#$%! - Re treating underlying causes....agree in principle, but I know from very bitter personal experience just how near-impossible it can be sometimes. Emotional pain and sadness can be SO overwhelming that turning to alcohol/weed (in my case) was the only way I could numb my senses. It's FAR harder to face up to your personla shit - I know, because I finally did it this year (it was why I was away from here for so long...) - ANYONE going through that right now has my empathies and support. I wouldn't tell people what to do - God knows, I didn't listen to anyone for the best part of ten years - instead, I would do what I never got for a long while - I would LISTEN to these people, no matter how upsetting/horrible it might be for me...

i dont know man, about the first part of your message, i found it more difficult to live with chronic emotional troubles than to get cured. in my case it was a lack of understanding of my situation that kept me going for numbness (weed, booze, tv, the internet) rather than being alive and cured after doing some hard work. what i mean is that i was self0-destructive and eventually ready to off myself before i finally started clawing my way out of the hole. and then i much rather would have avoided the years & years of piled-up damage now i am working to undo. so while it might be hard to face these troubles on your own, there are people who know how to provide support for these painful cures, so one doesn't have to go through surgery without anesthetics. i'm just saying, it was well worth it getting unstuck-- it's the best education i ever got. now the last sentence you wrote i did not understand, please forgive me if i ask for a re-explain.

[demonrail666]

I have a VERY strong self-destructive impulse. I'm also terminally lazy. Which in this case is just as well, in that I can rarely be arsed to do too much damage to myself.

[gmku]

Ordered "legal pot" from the back of Rolling Stone magazine once, while I was in college and living at home. Mom freaked out, can't have that stuff arriving in the mail, what will the neighbors think, all that. "Mom," I told her, "if the neighbors are snooping in our mailbox, they've got a much bigger problem on their hands than a druggy college kid living next door."

[MellySingsDoom]

!@#$%! - Thanks for the reply. Re. my last part - I had loads of practical advice from friends, family etc, but trying to speak to people about how terrible I felt would get sympathy, but no real understanding. This would lead me to feel more pissed off/hateful towards myself, and so the cycle would continue. Being listened to without any prejudice or "you're not really that unhappy, pull yerself together" attitude is something that I found very hard to get. That plus wild paranoia (yes, I am aware of the contradiction I'm making here, but bear with me) would lead me to dismiss anything people said to me - I didn't feel they were really listening to me, so why should I listen to them? It's a horrible self-repeating cycle, which I finally managed to break out of. Again, really being listened to (and validated as an emotional being) is the most important thing that's happened to me in my life, seriously.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

!@#$%! - Thanks for the reply. Re. my last part - I had loads of practical advice from friends, family etc, but trying to speak to people about how terrible I felt would get sympathy, but no real understanding. This would lead me to feel more pissed off/hateful towards myself, and so the cycle would continue. Being listened to without any prejudice or "you're not really that unhappy, pull yerself together" attitude is something that I found very hard to get. That plus wild paranoia (yes, I am aware of the contradiction I'm making here, but bear with me) would lead me to dismiss anything people said to me - I didn't feel they were really listening to me, so why should I listen to them? It's a horrible self-repeating cycle, which I finally managed to break out of. Again, really being listened to (and validated as an emotional being) is the most important thing that's happened to me in my life, seriously.

oh yeah--people-- fuck them-- they don't know shit. for me talking to my family just was all about denial and bullshit. cos you know, parents don't want to admit they fucked up, friends are as ignorant as one is, family wants to gloss over shit... so fuck them.n they want to keep you sick out of convenience, ignorance, and sheer habit.

i got cured by a shrink. nobody else could. and i had to shop around-- some shrinks were assholes, some were religious fucks, some were clueless,one was a lecherous bitch, etc., but eventually i found a competent, smart, old, well-read shrink who, while a little wackadoodle himself, understood me well enough to show me the way back to sanity-- it was quite simple really once i found the way, and i'm forever grateful. yeah i had to keep trying but i really was sick and tired of being sick and tired, so... i keep pushing until i found the way.

btw what you discuss about just being listened to without being judged, that's mostly what people in support groups do. i'm not much of a group person so individual shrink sessions worked best for me, but i know people who've been helped by groups like that-- again i'd say is a matter of wanting to get better, shopping around, and making the effort. because there's help out there no doubt. but again it's not the ignorant civilian fucks (who just want to maintain good appearances) who will help-- it's the ones who can admit that things are fucked up and look at it with you that will really lend you a hand.

[MellySingsDoom]

!@#$%! - I'm in a gay support group at the moment - it's working out really well, and I'll be there for some time. Fortunately, I found a good group straight away

[EMMAh]

Yeah, the one shrink I went to was insane.

Made up lies to my mom. I swear if I ever see her again I'll fucking shank her.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by EMMAh

Yeah, the one shrink I went to was insane.

Made up lies to my mom. I swear if I ever see her again I'll fucking shank her.

emmah-- maybe you need a group (ACOA seems like right up your alley), maybe a differetn shrink, but you know, it's like a pair of shoes, they have to fit. my last shrink and i got along really well, we had a good chemistry, we both had the same literary references that we could exchange, he was an old dude who had lived and experience shit, and i had great respect and trust for him-- without trust, really, all else is fucked. some people need a male shrink, some people a female shrink, and then there are so many schools & approaches, not everything is right for you-- once i went with a woman to a child's shrink for a couples problem-- it was the most useless fucking shit ever. anyway, i hope you find something, because it sucks to live in chronic pain. best wishes to you...

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

!@#$%! - I'm in a gay support group at the moment - it's working out really well, and I'll be there for some time. Fortunately, I found a good group straight away

bravo, man!

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

a gay support group -I found a good group straight

waaah???

[Cantankerous]

Originally Posted by EMMAh

Yeah, the one shrink I went to was insane.

Made up lies to my mom. I swear if I ever see her again I'll fucking shank her.

the one i went to tried to relate with me so bad and she just couldn't. huge generation gap. it was sad.

"oh, i remember a lot about bob dylan..."

Originally Posted by floatingslowly

I had too much LDS in the 70's and 80's.

I'm better now.

them latter day saints will fuck you up good, man



my biggest problem is not having anything to do all day combined with the fact that i just don't give a fuck about anything. i admit that i'll probably be addicted to drugs sometime in the future but i'm enjoying NOT having nosebleeds right now.

[EMMAh]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

emmah-- maybe you need a group (ACOA seems like right up your alley), maybe a differetn shrink, but you know, it's like a pair of shoes, they have to fit. my last shrink and i got along really well, we had a good chemistry, we both had the same literary references that we could exchange, he was an old dude who had lived and experience shit, and i had great respect and trust for him-- without trust, really, all else is fucked. some people need a male shrink, some people a female shrink, and then there are so many schools & approaches, not everything is right for you-- once i went with a woman to a child's shrink for a couples problem-- it was the most useless fucking shit ever. anyway, i hope you find something, because it sucks to live in chronic pain. best wishes to you...

I talk to a woman at my school actually. She's younger, really chill, and seems to give good advice and all that.

Aren't those Latter Day Saints people a cult or some shit?

[Cantankerous]

Originally Posted by EMMAh

I talk to a woman at my school actually. She's younger, really chill, and seems to give good advice and all that.

Aren't those Latter Day Saints people a cult or some shit?

if you ask me they are

really they're just mormons.

[gmku]

Originally Posted by EMMAh

I'd rather smoke too much weed than do too much of anything else though.

Don't know if I've mentioned it here before, but I would like to depend on it less. Apparently that's not happening today though. First thing I did when I got up was a massive roach hunt haha.

How did you get busted?

It's incredible to me how many substance users eventually come to this conclusion. I've not heard anyone I know ever say, God, I wish I could depend on weed or alcohol or whatever more than I do now.

I don't mean to make light of this. But I always think of it when I hear someone's bravado about how they can handle drugs.

[Cantankerous]

Originally Posted by gmku

It's incredible to me how many substance users eventually come to this conclusion. I've not heard anyone I know ever say, God, I wish I could depend on weed or alcohol or whatever more than I do now.

I don't mean to make light of this. But I always think of it when I hear someone's bravado about how they can handle drugs.

no one can really "handle" drugs
i mean, yes, there are people who can take more drugs or drink more booze than other people
but it bites everyone in the ass in the end
you play with fire and youre gonna get burned. period.

[gmku]

Wiser words were never spoken.

Yes, they were. Never mind.