The World's Best Joke

evollove · 01.31.2007, 08:32 AM

...is?

jon boy · 01.31.2007, 08:34 AM

this board.

Stijn · 01.31.2007, 08:35 AM

When you know, you die laughing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yff5Sp6bN6k

The world's best sketch

porkmarras · 01.31.2007, 08:39 AM

What is this thing with having a best of everything?Are we so shit that we can only appreciate things in black and white and miss out all the chromatics?What a drag.

_slavo_ · 01.31.2007, 09:14 AM

Porky, stop the drama, it's just killing time anyways.

Hip Priest · 01.31.2007, 09:25 AM

Reserch a few years ago found that this is supposedly the world's funniest joke:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

It later emerged that credit should be given to the once very mighty and now very dead Spike Milligan, since he wrote the joke (set in an English country house) for inclusion in an episode of The Goon Show where it was read by Michael Bentine and Peter Sellers:

Bentine: I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there
Sellers: Oh, is he dead?
Bentine: I think so
Sellers: Hadn't you better make sure?
Bentine: Alright. Just a minute
(Sound of two gun shots)
Bentine: He's dead.

porkmarras · 01.31.2007, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _slavo_

Porky, stop the drama, it's just killing time anyways.

_slavo_,don't you know i'm Joan Of Arc?

nicfit · 01.31.2007, 09:42 AM

The whole band or milla jovovich? Or you simply meant you're hot?

fishmonkey · 01.31.2007, 09:44 AM

Q, What do you call a chav in a box
A, Innit!

Q, What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
A, Sorted!

Iain · 01.31.2007, 10:11 AM

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot you racist!!

jon boy · 01.31.2007, 10:19 AM

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Iain again.

pokkeherrie · 01.31.2007, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hip Priest

Reserch a few years ago found that this is supposedly the world's funniest joke:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

It later emerged that credit should be given to the once mighty and now very dead Spike Milligan, since he wrote the joke (set in an English country house) for inclusion in an episode of The Goon Show where it was read by Michael Bentine and Peter Sellers:

Bentine: I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there
Sellers: Oh, is he dead?
Bentine: I think so
Sellers: Hadn't you better make sure?
Bentine: Alright. Just a minute
(Sound of two gun shots)
Bentine: He's dead.

that reminded me of this sketch:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=oYFmP0trBG8

king_buzzo · 01.31.2007, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stijn

When you know, you die laughing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yff5Sp6bN6k

The world's best sketch

yes!

ALIEN ANAL · 01.31.2007, 11:35 AM

whats the difference between a tree and a house
a tree house!

_slavo_ · 01.31.2007, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by porkmarras

_slavo_,don't you know i'm Joan Of Arc?

ah, yeah, I got the idea.

Hip Priest · 01.31.2007, 11:59 AM

I've posted it before, I suspect, but I'll tell you my personal favourite again:

A terrible flood is striking the nation, and after two days waters are reaching inland. At the priest's house, it's four foot deep, but an army rescue dinghy comes into view and offers to take the priest to safety. 'No' says the priest, 'God will save me, I will come to no harm'.

The next day the waters are ten foot deep and the priest has gone up to the top floor. From his bedroom window he sees the same army dinghy doing another search. 'Leave me be - God will not desert me', he reiterates.

Overnight, the flood intensifies and the priest is forced out of his bed and onto the roof of his house. Fortunately the army are doing their final patrol before things become too hazardous, and they beseech him to climb aboard. 'No, I say', quips the priest, 'My God will protect me, my faith is unshakeable'.

The waters rise and the priest drowns. Admitted into heaven, he approaches God, tears running down his cheeks. 'I trusted you, my Lord, all through the flood I kept my faith. Yet you let me die in the waters. Why did you not move to save me?'.

'You knobhead', says God, 'I sent three dinghys!'.

Rob Instigator · 01.31.2007, 12:09 PM

Mary and peter were gathered with a group of mourners near the foot of the cross upon which jesus was crucified. armed roman guards surrounded the cross to prevent anyone from getting close. As Peter and mary cried, they heard a voice coming from the cross. It was Jesus, weak with pain and hunger and dehydration, croaking, "Peeteerr... Peeeeterrrr."
Peter heard this and yelled, "yes my Lord, I am coming!" He rushed to the cross only to be beaten back by the guards.
With renewed urgency, Jesus once again exclaimed, " PEETERRR....PEETERRRR."
Peter heard this and crashed headlong into the roman guards, only to be beaten bloody and thrown back at mary's feet.
One last time, with a maximum of effort, Jesus strained to cry, "PEEETERR!!!! PEEETERR!!!!"
and Peter, with seemingly superhuman strength, managed to rush the guards and fight his way through, though badly wounded. As he crawled on his belly to the foot of the cross he shouted, "Yes Lord! I am Here! What do you want?"
and Jesus lifted his tired head and said "Peeterrr...Peeter, I can see your house from here."

Silent Dan Speaks · 01.31.2007, 03:34 PM

I don't know about the world's best joke, but the biggest one is the war on terror.

PAULYBEE2656 · 01.31.2007, 05:22 PM

why i there no asprins in the jungle?

because the parrotsateemall.......

respect to the league of gentlemen and who ever they stole that off?

Rob Instigator · 01.31.2007, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PAULYBEE2656

why i there no asprins in the jungle?

because the parrotsateemall.......

respect to the league of gentlemen and who ever they stole that off?

I don't get it

01.31.2007, 08:32 AM	#1
evollove invito al cielo Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,879	...is?
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01.31.2007, 08:34 AM	#2
jon boy invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: psycho battery Posts: 12,161	this board. __________________ Sarcasm[A] is stating the opposite of an intended meaning especially in order to sneeringly, slyly, jest or mock a person, situation or thing \|@ <------- Euphoric brain cell just moments before expiration V _ \ / _ PING <-------- moments later / \ http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljhxq...isruo1_500.gif
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01.31.2007, 08:35 AM	#3
Stijn bad moon rising Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Belgium Posts: 126	When you know, you die laughing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yff5Sp6bN6k The world's best sketch
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01.31.2007, 08:39 AM	#4
porkmarras invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: London - UK Posts: 14,313	What is this thing with having a best of everything?Are we so shit that we can only appreciate things in black and white and miss out all the chromatics?What a drag. __________________
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01.31.2007, 09:14 AM	#5
_slavo_ invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Ðîññèÿ Posts: 10,901	Porky, stop the drama, it's just killing time anyways. __________________ you're the boy that can enjoy invisibility
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01.31.2007, 09:25 AM	#6
Hip Priest invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Birkenhead Posts: 9,397	Reserch a few years ago found that this is supposedly the world's funniest joke: A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" It later emerged that credit should be given to the once very mighty and now very dead Spike Milligan, since he wrote the joke (set in an English country house) for inclusion in an episode of The Goon Show where it was read by Michael Bentine and Peter Sellers: Bentine: I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there Sellers: Oh, is he dead? Bentine: I think so Sellers: Hadn't you better make sure? Bentine: Alright. Just a minute (Sound of two gun shots) Bentine: He's dead. __________________ Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. http://www.flickr.com/photos/outsidethecamp/
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01.31.2007, 09:42 AM	#8
nicfit invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: banana boat Posts: 15,570	The whole band or milla jovovich? Or you simply meant you're hot? __________________ 11:11 11-11-11 I Ascended.
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01.31.2007, 09:44 AM	#9
fishmonkey invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Ireland Posts: 2,670	Q, What do you call a chav in a box A, Innit! Q, What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? A, Sorted! __________________ "Pescescimmia ha grandi bulbi oculari blu, ognuno attaccato su un lato della sua testa, in modo tale da risucire a guardare indietro senza girare la sua testa pesciosa"
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01.31.2007, 10:11 AM	#10
Iain invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 2,544	What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist!!
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.31.2007, 10:19 AM	#11
jon boy invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: psycho battery Posts: 12,161	You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Iain again. __________________ Sarcasm[A] is stating the opposite of an intended meaning especially in order to sneeringly, slyly, jest or mock a person, situation or thing \|@ <------- Euphoric brain cell just moments before expiration V _ \ / _ PING <-------- moments later / \ http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljhxq...isruo1_500.gif
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.31.2007, 11:35 AM	#14
ALIEN ANAL invito al cielo Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Australia Posts: 5,461	whats the difference between a tree and a house a tree house! __________________ www.instagram.com/alienanal
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01.31.2007, 11:59 AM	#16
Hip Priest invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Birkenhead Posts: 9,397	I've posted it before, I suspect, but I'll tell you my personal favourite again: A terrible flood is striking the nation, and after two days waters are reaching inland. At the priest's house, it's four foot deep, but an army rescue dinghy comes into view and offers to take the priest to safety. 'No' says the priest, 'God will save me, I will come to no harm'. The next day the waters are ten foot deep and the priest has gone up to the top floor. From his bedroom window he sees the same army dinghy doing another search. 'Leave me be - God will not desert me', he reiterates. Overnight, the flood intensifies and the priest is forced out of his bed and onto the roof of his house. Fortunately the army are doing their final patrol before things become too hazardous, and they beseech him to climb aboard. 'No, I say', quips the priest, 'My God will protect me, my faith is unshakeable'. The waters rise and the priest drowns. Admitted into heaven, he approaches God, tears running down his cheeks. 'I trusted you, my Lord, all through the flood I kept my faith. Yet you let me die in the waters. Why did you not move to save me?'. 'You knobhead', says God, 'I sent three dinghys!'. __________________ Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. http://www.flickr.com/photos/outsidethecamp/
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

01.31.2007, 12:09 PM	#17
Rob Instigator invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In the land of the Instigator Posts: 27,959	Mary and peter were gathered with a group of mourners near the foot of the cross upon which jesus was crucified. armed roman guards surrounded the cross to prevent anyone from getting close. As Peter and mary cried, they heard a voice coming from the cross. It was Jesus, weak with pain and hunger and dehydration, croaking, "Peeteerr... Peeeeterrrr." Peter heard this and yelled, "yes my Lord, I am coming!" He rushed to the cross only to be beaten back by the guards. With renewed urgency, Jesus once again exclaimed, " PEETERRR....PEETERRRR." Peter heard this and crashed headlong into the roman guards, only to be beaten bloody and thrown back at mary's feet. One last time, with a maximum of effort, Jesus strained to cry, "PEEETERR!!!! PEEETERR!!!!" and Peter, with seemingly superhuman strength, managed to rush the guards and fight his way through, though badly wounded. As he crawled on his belly to the foot of the cross he shouted, "Yes Lord! I am Here! What do you want?" and Jesus lifted his tired head and said "Peeterrr...Peeter, I can see your house from here." __________________ RXTT's Intellectual Journey - my new blog where I talk about all the books I read.
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01.31.2007, 03:34 PM	#18
Silent Dan Speaks the destroyed room Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 603	I don't know about the world's best joke, but the biggest one is the war on terror.
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01.31.2007, 05:22 PM	#19
PAULYBEE2656 invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: wexford, rep of ireland Posts: 6,930	why i there no asprins in the jungle? because the parrotsateemall....... respect to the league of gentlemen and who ever they stole that off? __________________ myspace facebook *twitter*
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